BigBoy Monthly Manifest 25.06.13 – Bad Luck & Burnouts

Bad Luck & Burnouts: A Friday the 13th Special

NO LUCK. NO FUTURE. NO WAY OUT.

The Great Ape speaks from beyond the veil—bad luck be damned, the road keeps burning.

Friday the 13th. The mere mention sends shivers down the spines of the superstitious. But here at Manifesto Maravillado, we don’t do fear—we do fast, loud, and reckless.

Some see a cursed day. We see an open road with no brakes. Some fear shattered mirrors. We fear nothing but a full stop. Some avoid black cats. We floor it straight into the void, laughing all the way.

This issue is built for the bold, the unlucky, and the ones who know that bad omens make the best stories. The Great Ape doesn’t dodge bad luck—he outruns it.

So grab your lucky charm (or throw it out the window), fire up the V8 of fate, and hold on tight. Because this ride only goes one way—straight through.

THE GREAT APE SEES ALL. THE GREAT APE KNOWS. THE GREAT APE APPROVES.

The brake lines on this BigBoy were cut at the insane asylum. The only exit? Straight through the flames… You’ve been warned.

What’s Inside?

This BigBoy Monthly Manifest rolls in hotter than a blown big-block on a summer dragstrip—packed with fuel-injected fury, cult cinema chaos, and pulp-fueled madness. Strap in, because we’re flooring it straight into forbidden sci-fi futures, rock ‘n’ roll rebellion, lost legends, and the kind of bizarre history they don’t teach in school.

• Zorro & Gran: Justice Never Takes a Nap – A small masked outlaw. A battle-hardened abuela. Crime in this household doesn’t stand a chance.
• Suzi Quatro: The F-Hole Rebel – Bass, leather, and a four-stringed wrecking ball. Suzi didn’t wait for permission—she smashed through the door, bass-first.
• Salvador Dalí’s Secret Life in Soviet Russia – Was Dalí a beer-smuggling, tractor-driving, accordion-playing agent of surrealist chaos? History says no. Our vodka-soaked sources say otherwise.
• Attack of the B-Movie Posters! – The boldest, baddest, most eye-searing exploitation artwork ever to lure suckers into sticky-floored theaters.
• The Great Density Showdown – When science meets syrup. A battle of liquids, a war of weights—only the densest will survive.
• Muse – Knights of Cydonia: A Spaghetti Western on Acid – A laser-blasting, horse-riding, six-minute fever dream that galloped straight out of another dimension.
• Colossus: The Forbin Project – The Machine is Watching – Before HAL, before Skynet, there was Colossus. The 1970 AI overlord who didn’t just predict the future—it took control.
• Max Headroom & The Art of Noise – Paranoimia – The AI prophet of ‘80s cyber-chaos meets a band that made music out of static, distortion, and pure attitude.
• Satan’s Cheerleaders (1977) – Pom-poms, pentagrams, and one hell of a halftime show. They came to chant. They left with the Devil on speed dial.
• The Great Ape’s Early Modeling Career – Before he ruled pulp culture, the Ape worked the streets—literally. A gorilla suit, Bettie Page, and a few questionable magazine spreads.
• Big Daddy Garlits: The King of Smoke and Speed – Drag racing royalty who rewrote the rules and left the competition choking on nitro fumes.
• Bobo’s Big Payback – A gorilla, a gold medallion, and a taste for revenge. You should have never locked him up.
• The Atomic Age of Safety: Duck, Cover, and Hope for the Best – Fallout shelters, lead-lined picnic blankets, and nuclear survival tips that aged like milk.
• When Pants Had Room to Breathe – Behold, Oxford Bags—bold, unapologetic, wide enough to house a small jazz band.
• Aviation Glamour: Jayne Mansfield Takes Flight – When Hollywood’s biggest bombshell took off—literally.
• Cynthia the Celebrity Mannequin – She wore Cartier diamonds, mingled with high society, and never said a word. The weirdest socialite of the 1930s.
• Horror High: Guess Who We Just Did? – A yearbook collection of horror icons before the blood started flowing. Hot Rod Wiener Roaster! – Nothing says automotive safety like grilling sausages directly off your car battery.
• Premature Fuel Injection – The fastest way to look like a total idiot at the gas pump.
• Allison Hayes: Hollywood’s 50-Foot Femme Fatale – The woman who towered over B-movie history and left her mark far beyond the silver screen.
• The Great Ape Knows! – Obscure facts designed to sound smarter, confuse people, and earn the Great Ape’s seal of approval.

AND THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING. THIS MANIFEST RUNS ON BAD OMENS AND BURNOUTS.

History doesn’t remember the cautious. It remembers the ones who tempted fate, threw the dice, and laughed when the reaper showed up early. This Manifest doesn’t check for black cats or broken mirrors—it drives straight through them.

Read on. Obey. Ascend. The Great Ape commands it.

Manifesto Maravillado isn’t here to knock politely on the door of history. It’s here to kick it down, steal the furniture, and redecorate in gasoline and grit. If you were looking for a safe ride, the exit’s behind you. If you came for fire, fury, and full-throttle lunacy—buckle up.

The countdown is long dead. The brake lines were cut at the insane asylum. And somewhere, a calendar just burst into flames. Call it an omen—or maybe I’ve just lost my damn mind!

This BigBoy Monthly Manifest is coming in like a wrecking ball—faster than fate, meaner than luck, and ready to run down anything that gets in its way.

No time to hesitate. No time to look back.

Get in. Hold tight. The Grim Reaper’s already in the passenger seat—he’s just waiting for you to swerve.

The Grave Diggers Left Early Tonight

The Dead Ain’t Waiting for a Proper Burial

The shovels are still warm. The coffins are still open. The guests of honor just left the party. up.

“WHEN PANTS HAD ROOM TO BREATHE”

Behold the Oxford Bags—bold, unapologetic, and wide enough to house a small jazz band.

Born in the 1920s, when bigger was better and subtlety was for squares, these architectural marvels of fabric were the epitome of style.

Skinny jeans? A mistake. Slim fit? A conspiracy. It’s time to bring back the swagger of pants that make a statement—and that statement is: “I’m taking up space, and you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“SPACE REPO MEN STRIKE AGAIN!”

When your spaceship payments are “a little late,” these guys don’t send reminders—they send a plasma torch and zero-G goons.

The look on her face says it all: “Do you REALLY have to cut into life support first?”

Meanwhile, in the background, the boss watches smugly, already thinking about what he’ll bid on next at the Space Police auction.

The Great Ape Knows – In space, no one can hear your credit score drop.

Actually! An Illustration by Frank Kelly Freas for Planet Stories Sep 1959!

A revolutionary breakthrough in perpetual motion technology

Or just an alcoholic bird with an overactive sense of purpose? The 1947 patent for the Drinking Bird—part science, part novelty, and 100% committed to the hustle.

The Great Ape approves—mostly because this bird knows how to keep its head down and stay busy.

THE SWEET & SOUR SOURCE OF ALL THINGS

Forget the origin of life, the meaning of existence, or the great cosmic unknown—this buffet cracked the code. Right here, nestled between deep-fried goodness and questionable health choices, sits the true “Sweet & Sour Source.”

Is it the birthplace of all tangy delights? The wellspring of all dipping destiny? Or just an unfortunate sign that accidentally turned a sauce into an existential mystery?

Either way, grab a spoon and embrace the truth.

The Master of Disguise Starter Pack

Need to evade the law, fool your in-laws, or infiltrate a secret society of accordion-playing cultists? Look no further!

This deluxe Disguise Kit has everything you need to become completely unrecognizable— assuming your enemies are easily confused by googly eyes, fake mustaches, and oversized novelty ears.

Choose from deranged professor, startled banker, questionable hypnotist, or the ever-popular “What happened to this man’s eyebrows?” look.

Perfect for pranks, espionage, or deeply unsettling job interviews.

Warning: Side effects may include sudden unmasking, hysterical laughter, and an existential crisis when you realize your real face isn’t much different.

They Came To A Cinema Near You! Attack Of The B-Movie Posters

Hollywood, mid-1950s. A smoky exhibition hall, walls lined with the larger-than-life promises of Hollywood spectacle—towering monsters, swooning damsels, and space invaders poised for planetary conquest. Roger Corman, young, ambitious, and always on the hunt for talent, scans the crowd. His eyes land on a sharp-looking guy standing by the Paramount display—Albert Kallis.

Kallis isn’t just another art school hopeful. He’s got movie blood in his veins. His father, Maurice “Mischa” Kallis, shaped the way Hollywood sold its dreams, running advertising for Paramount (1923-42) and then Universal (1943-63). Albert had been to war, studied at the Art Center School, and built a reputation for design work that turned heads.

Corman already had The Monster from the Ocean Floor and Fast and Furious under his belt, but he needed an artist who could make cheap look like must-see cinema. Someone who could turn exploitation into art. Kallis was that guy.

For the next decade, Kallis painted posters that didn’t just sell movies—they grabbed you by the eyeballs and dragged you into the theater. They were loud, they were wild, and they were impossible to ignore. The films may have been made on a shoestring, but thanks to Kallis, they looked like a million bucks.

Now, let’s take a look at some of the best B-movie posters ever to hit the silver screen…

Call me Rusty

“OH, NO! IT’S THEM AGAIN!”

Our distressed gentleman has stumbled upon Archie, Jughead, and Reggie engaging in a rather… intimate group shower session.

The boys are lathered up, harmonizing like a barbershop trio that might be closer than just pals.

Water conservation? Maybe.
A synchronized shower routine? Possibly.
A scandalous mystery straight out of Riverdale? Now we’re talking.

Either way, someone’s about to need therapy—and it ain’t the fellas belting out show tunes.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

That Tiny Groove Between Your Nose and Lips? It’s Not Just Face Junk.

That mysterious little divot between your upper lip and nose? It’s called a philtrum. Sounds like a prescription drug or a lost Roman general, but nope—it’s just a leftover evolutionary souvenir.

Scientists aren’t exactly sure why we still have it. Some say it once helped with sniffing out food, others think it was just nature doodling on our faces. Now? It’s purely for decoration, like those useless pockets on women’s jeans.

Next time someone zones out while staring at your face, hit them with this. Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

Rat Trap

Well Officer, That Accelerated I mean Escalated Quickly…

Speed limit says 50, but the radar says 167. Someone’s got a lead foot and a lot of explaining to do.

At this point, you probably have unlocked an achievement more so than gaining a speeding ticket

“PIPE DREAM – OR JUST A REALLY STRONG BATCH?”

When your plumbing gets too good, and your brain starts filtering more than just thoughts.

Some say Fritz Leiber wrote about alternate dimensions, others say he just knew where to find the really potent stuff.

Either way, this guy’s living the dream—or drowning in it.

The Great Ape Knows – When the pipes start talking back, it’s time to lay off the sauce.

Actually – Worlds of IF (February 1959) and you can have a read!

Would You Believe… the Ultimate Spy Gadget?

Before smartphones fit in your pocket, real spies had footphones.

Yes, Agent 86’s Telephone Shoe was the peak of Cold War intelligence—combining high-tech espionage with the fine craftsmanship of a sturdy Oxford. Need to make a call? Just remove your shoe, dial with precision, and hope no one mistakes it for an urgent pedicure session.

Features include:
Rotary Dial for that authentic “spy struggling under pressure” experience
Reinforced steel toe—because enemy agents don’t play nice
Removable heel for covert storage (or a quick heel click if you’re feeling dramatic)
Flip microphone—because shouting into your shoe is unbecoming of a gentleman spy

While modern agents now rely on encrypted satellites and biometric security, nothing says “secret agent chic” like taking off your footwear to place a classified call to CONTROL.

Zingers!

The most outrageous, overpowered, pint-sized muscle machines ever built! Engines bigger than the cars themselves, bulging with blowers, pipes, and horsepower madness. Easy to assemble, impossible to ignore, and a must-have for any collector.

When subtlety takes a backseat, ZINGERS take over!

WHEN INNOCENCE MEETS UNINTENDED COMEDY

Nothing like a wholesome vintage comic panel to remind us that language evolves… and sometimes, it takes our brains straight into the gutter.

Dick’s about to try out his friend’s one-hand serve, and I’m sure it’s all very sports-related. Nothing to see here, folks.

Just two pals, some questionable phrasing, and a moment that aged like milk.

Yes, the USS Indianapolis monologue from Jaws is nothing short of cinematic perfection.

Robert Shaw’s delivery is mesmerizing—raw, haunting, and completely immersive. The way he paces the words, the subtle shifts in his tone, the quiet, almost resigned horror in his eyes—every beat of that monologue is unforgettable. It pulls you in, holds you there, and never lets go.

It’s a rare moment in film where performance and writing fuse so completely that you can’t separate one from the other. You hear it and feel it. You can see the sharks, hear the screams, and taste the salt of the ocean. It’s pure, distilled storytelling at its most gripping.

And yet, no Oscar nomination for Shaw? Utterly baffling. That speech alone should’ve sealed it. In fact, the Academy owes that man a retroactive apology.

Whether it’s your first time watching Jaws or your hundredth, this scene never loses its grip. If anything, it only grows in weight with time—because great storytelling, like great fear, never fades. It lingers. It haunts. And just like the black eyes of a shark, it stays with you long after the credits roll.

The Great Ape loves Jaws but is too afraid to go back into the water.

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The Neon City Burns at Both Ends

Too Bright to Sleep, Too Dangerous to Wake Up

The billboards flash, the streets hum with static, and the ones who know too much don’t get a second chance.

Beasty Prefix

The Future Was Hot and Tubular!

Nothing says progress like a steaming, hygienically sealed sausage straight from the Würst-o-Matic 3000! Just drop in your Deutschmarks, turn the crank, and get ready for the mechanized meat miracle of your dreams.

Guten Appetit, you beautiful cyborgs of the sausage age!

Somewhere over the galaxy, Wookiees fly.

Toto? Never heard of him. This Yellow Brick Road now leads straight to Kashyyyk, where Dorothy’s new sidekick is less about yapping and more about ripping droids in half.

Lions, tigers, and stormtroopers? She’s got a bowcaster, she’ll be fine.

The Fine Art of Diagonal Parking

When parallel parking feels too basic and the curb is merely a suggestion, enter diagonal parking—taken to its extreme.

Perfectly wedged, dramatically poised, and guaranteed to make pedestrians rethink their route. A bold move. A questionable choice. A masterpiece in parking history.

“HI, BABY! I’VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU… ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIT STILL!”

Well, that’s definitely not ominous. But let’s explore some alternative possibilities for what this dubious gentleman might actually be hiring for:

1. Professional Human Paperweight – Tired of important documents flying away? Need to keep your blueprints in place? Look no further! Just sit still and apply gentle pressure—no experience required.
2. Experimental Invisible Chair Tester – Does it exist, or is it just a scam? Scientists are desperate to find out. Just sit and… hope.
3. Live Mannequin for Department Store Pranks – Just sit still, blend in with the mannequins, and then absolutely terrify unsuspecting shoppers. Bonus points if you can hold a dramatic pose for over 45 minutes.

Honestly, at this point, I’m convinced he’s either running a very niche business… or this is the weirdest pyramid scheme in history. Note: The Great Ape kept that clean.

BIG DADDY—THE KING OF SMOKE AND SPEED

Don Garlits dominated drag racing, pioneering the rear-engine dragster and redefining speed.
A master of nitro-fueled fury, he turned tire smoke into a legacy.

300+ MPH wasn’t enough—he pushed for more.

Big Daddy’s Big Blowout – When Garlits Lost More Than a Race

Don Garlits was more than a drag racer—he was a pioneer, a builder, and a relentless innovator. But in 1970 at Lions Drag Strip, chasing speed came at a brutal cost.

Sitting behind the wheel of his front-engine Swamp Rat XIII, Garlits launched off the line, the nitro-fed Hemi screaming—until everything went sideways. Literally. The transmission exploded mid-run, shearing the front of the cockpit clean off. The blast took half of Garlits’ right foot with it, sending shrapnel and chaos in every direction.

Laid up in the hospital, Big Daddy had time to think. And instead of throwing in the towel, he revolutionized the sport. The accident led to the creation of the rear-engine dragster, a design that would change Top Fuel racing forever. Safer. Faster. Smarter. And all because Garlits refused to be a victim—he became the guy who rebuilt the future of drag racing from a hospital bed.

That’s why he’s Big Daddy and the Great Ape tips his banana to the man who did not tip toe around a challenge.

“PLANET STORIES – THE HEIGHT OF SCI-FI FASHION”

Space may be a hostile void of unrelenting death, but that’s no excuse not to accessorize.

Behold the high-heeled heroine, wrapped in strategically-placed optimism, defying both gravity and good sense as she takes on a bald, whip-wielding menace straight out of an intergalactic biker gang.

Ray Bradbury wrote about The Golden Apples of the Sun, but the real mystery is—where’s she keeping her laser pistol?

The Great Ape Knows – Always dress for the job you want… even if that job is dodging electro-whips in deep space.

Download the whole Mag Planet Stories Nov 1956 CAREFUL 120MB!

Muse – Knights of Cydonia

Spaghetti westerns, laser beams, kung-fu, and a galloping synth riff straight out of a cosmic duel at high noon? Yeah, that’s Knights of Cydonia.

Muse made a tune and turned it into a six-minute, intergalactic, horse-riding fever dream. It’s part Ennio Morricone, part Queen, and all-out epic. The music builds like a lone rider cresting the horizon, then explodes into a final charge where the only law is the law of over-the-top, cinematic excess.

Hit play. Mount up. The revolution won’t wait.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

The Pound Sign Has a Real Name, and It’s Not “Hashtag.”

Before social media stole it, the # symbol had a name: Octothorpe. Sounds like a villain in a pulp sci-fi serial, but nope—it’s the real deal.

Where did this odd name come from? Some say it was NASA engineers in the ‘60s who slapped on the “octo” (because of its eight endpoints) and “thorpe” as a random flourish. Others claim it was an old-school printing term. Either way, it’s been hijacked by influencers, and there’s no turning back.

So next time someone calls it a “hashtag,” drop “octothorpe” into the conversation and watch their brain short-circuit.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“You Opened It… Now You Must Pay”

The bandages may be brittle, but the curse is fresh. You took what wasn’t yours, and now it’s waking up.

Classic horror never dies—it just rises from the tomb when you least expect it. Whether it’s Karloff’s Imhotep or Hammer’s relentless monstrosities, one thing is certain: tomb raiding never ends well.

That hand is outstretched, not for mercy, but for vengeance.

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The Gun Was Still Warm, and So Was the Body

A Deal Gone Bad, a Witness Who Ain’t Talking

You can’t outrun a bullet. You can only pray it ain’t got your name on it.

Steve Bisley as Jim Goose—Larger Than Life and Twice as Ugly

If Max was the law, Goose was the spirit—fast, reckless, and grinning in the face of the apocalypse. Before the highways belonged to the marauders, Jim Goose tore through them on his Kwaka 9, bringing his own brand of speed-fueled justice.

Bisley’s raw energy and devil-may-care swagger made Goose more than just Max’s best mate—he was the guy you wanted watching your back, until the wasteland swallowed him whole.

And that leather? Pure outlaw style.

The world of Mad Max wasn’t built for the good guys—and Goose learned that the hard way.

“Ghost Train 1953 – The Three Emotional Support Levels”

One young lass, clutching her chest like she just discovered a long-lost lover… or a tax bill. One fully embracing the chaos, no fear, only unhinged belly laughing, and the other, happy the ride is over and most likely will never ride this train again!

A masterclass in handling terror, ranging from Oscar-worthy dramatics to “I want a refund.”

Green is Nice

Abbott and Costello Go to Mars – A Sci-Fi Classic the 1950s Way

In the golden age of atomic sci-fi, there were really only two options for outer space—either it was hurling world-ending monsters at Earth, or it was hiding planets full of beautiful women just waiting for hapless earthlings to show up.

Abbott and Costello’s brand of slapstick was already legendary, but send them to Mars (or, more accurately, Venus) in Abbott and Costello Go to Mars (1953), and you’ve got a prime example of 1950s sci-fi logic at its finest.

Ray guns, space helmets, and glamorous alien queens? Of course.
Scientific accuracy? Not a chance.

But who needed realism when you had laughs, leggy extraterrestrials, and the possibility of Bud and Lou bumbling their way into interplanetary diplomacy?

“SPACE DATING GONE WRONG!”

“Swipe right,” they said. “Try something different,” they said. Now she’s tentacle-deep in a first date from another dimension.

Meanwhile, the boys in the background are learning the hard way that this thing doesn’t split the check—it splits atoms.

The Great Ape Knows – Love is a battlefield. Sometimes, it’s a full-scale cosmic war.

Matt Frewer & Amanda Pays – Max Headroom and the Cyberpunk Revolution

Before the internet ruled everything, before Black Mirror made dystopia fashionable, there was Max Headroom—the world’s first AI talk show host, glitching his way through a corporate-controlled nightmare.

Matt Frewer’s manic, stuttering performance as Max—equal parts satire, sci-fi, and synthetic insanity—made him an instant pop culture legend. Amanda Pays as Theora Jones? The ultimate cool, no-nonsense hacker-reporter who kept the show grounded in reality while Max ran wild.

A prophetic, cyberpunk masterpiece, Max Headroom nailed the dangers of media control, surveillance, and digital corruption long before the world realized it was living in the pilot episode.

20 Minutes Into the Future? We’re already there.

The Art of Noise & Max Headroom – Paranoimia (1986)

What happens when you mix experimental electronic beats with a caffeine-fueled, pixelated AI? You get Paranoimia—a surreal, hypnotic trip into the digital void, featuring none other than Max Headroom himself.

In 1986, The Art of Noise was already bending sound into strange new shapes, but adding Max’s signature stutter, smirk, and synthetic wit turned this track into something truly otherworldly. It wasn’t just music—it was a late-night transmission from the future, where reality glitches, paranoia reigns, and a smirking digital ghost watches over it all.

Press play. 20 minutes into the future starts now.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Ever Thrown Something Out of a Window? There’s a Word for That.

Lost your temper and hurled your phone out the window? Launched an alarm clock into the street because it dared wake you up? Congratulations—you’ve engaged in defenestration.

Yes, there’s a fancy word for the act of throwing something (or someone) out of a window. It comes from the Latin “de-” (down from) and “fenestra” (window). It’s been used for everything from political coups to dramatic exits in hotel rooms.

So next time you see a TV get chucked off a balcony in a rock ‘n’ roll tantrum, don’t just call it destruction—call it defenestration.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“I Warned You About the Future, But No One Listened!”

The great de-evolution experiment rolls on as civilization crumbles beneath neon signs and funeral parlor advertisements. One lone survivor of a forgotten time emerges from the wreckage, perhaps waiting for a bus, perhaps just contemplating the final donut of mankind.

It’s all fun and games until the apes reclaim the strip malls.

Death Wish!

Some people drive a Dodge Challenger because they love muscle, speed, and raw American horsepower. Others drive one because they have a death wish.

Looks like this 340 prefers straight lines and lives life a quarter-mile at a time.

The Great Ape Approves— but only if you’ve got the guts to back it up.

“YOW!! I FEEL LIKE ZSA ZSA GABOR ON PORKLESS THURSDAY!!”

Nothing screams high fashion and existential confusion like a Zippy the Pinhead mask—complete with DIY pipe cleaner hair.

Guaranteed to make people ask:
“What does that even mean?”—and that’s exactly the point!

“Satan’s Cheerleaders – Ready? OK! Go to Hell!”

Coop’s signature devil girls, dripping in attitude, smokes, and sin. This ain’t your average pep squad—these ladies don’t chant for touchdowns, they summon trouble.

With vintage pin-up flair and rockabilly swagger, it’s pure hot-rod hellfire wrapped in a pleated skirt. If you weren’t already on the road to damnation, they’ll make sure you take the scenic route.

“THE RADIATION OF THE CHINESE VEGETABLE!”

Ah yes, the terrifying sci-fi horror of irradiated bok choy—an age-old menace to humanity and intergalactic bikini fashion!

Giant insectoid robots? Check.
Scantily-clad space heroine? Check.
Dude in a fishbowl helmet absolutely losing it? Double-check.

This is peak pulp madness at its finest.

John Carradine—Hollywood’s most refined rogue.

One moment, he’s delivering Shakespearean gravitas in The Grapes of Wrath and The Ten Commandments, the next, he’s skulking through fog-drenched cemeteries in The Howling and The Sentinel. A man of high art and low budgets, capable of elevating prestige dramas or adding a touch of class to titles like Satan’s Cheerleaders and Vampire Hookers.

Whether he was preaching in the desert or prowling through a B-movie fever dream, Carradine’s unmistakable presence made everything feel just a little more legendary

Satan’s Cheerleaders (1977) – Pom-Poms, Pentagrams, and Pure ’70s Sleaze

What happens when a squad of high-kicking, mini-skirted cheerleaders takes a wrong turn into the waiting arms of a backwoods satanic cult? You get Satan’s Cheerleaders, a bizarre, camp-fueled grindhouse oddity that throws pom-poms, black magic, and sweaty degenerates into a blender and hits “puree.”

It’s part horror, part exploitation, and all questionable decision-making, featuring a cast that swings wildly between legitimate Hollywood veterans (John Ireland! Yvonne De Carlo! John Carradine!) and actors who probably got paid in six-packs and gas money.

Will the cheerleaders escape? Will the devil get his due? Will you regret every life choice that led you to watching this? Only one way to find out. Hit play. The Great Ape and dark lord demands it.

The Remco Caravelle—because every kid in the ’60s deserved their own clandestine communications hub.

Who needed a license when you had a microphone, an antenna, and the unstoppable will to broadcast nonsense across state lines?

Part spy gadget, part rock ‘n’ roll pirate radio, and 100% guaranteed to make the neighbors wonder who the hell was trying to contact Sputnik from the backyard.

No encryption, no FCC approval, and no way Dad’s getting his hands on it—this was kid-powered chaos at its finest.

This is some dystopian dental pressure right here!

Nancy thought she was just minding her business, but Big Brother now checks for cavities too. The future of surveillance-state oral hygiene has arrived, and you better be flossing.

The Great Ape approves of keeping teeth sharp—but nobody tells him when to book an appointment!

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The Radio Cut Out, Then the Screaming Started

Something’s Out There, and It Ain’t Coming in Peace

First, the static. Then, the whispers. Now, the whole town is listening—whether they want to or not.

H.J. Ward – Spicy Mystery, March 1941

If Dr. Manhattan had been dreamt up a few decades earlier, this might have been his pulp-era prototype. The glowing blue skin, the detached expression, the mysterious energy pulses—all eerily familiar. But this is 1941, and before Watchmen, pulp covers were already cranking out atomic-age weirdness before the bomb even dropped.

H.J. Ward, one of the undisputed masters of pulp illustration, knew how to paint a scene dripping with danger, tension, and just the right amount of preposterous sci-fi theatrics. The gleaming metal man? The sinister hooded villain? The damsel caught in the crossfire? Classic pulp perfection.

Whether this guy is a robot, an alien, or just a very shiny superman, one thing’s for sure: he’d fit right in on Mars, Manhattan, or a 1950s paperback cover promising thrills beyond reason.

“Nuclear Safety for Dummies – Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?”

Some jobs have mandatory reading, and then there’s this—a self-study guide for handling nuclear weapons. Because when the stakes involve planetary obliteration, what you really need is a three-ring binder and some light reading.

The Great Ape sees the “RETURN TO FIRE” note and figures somebody aced the test.

A Rare Scientific Discovery from the Depths of Bikinius Bottomus

Behold, a stunning 19th-century zoological plate depicting some of the ocean’s most peculiar and ill-tempered species, long thought to be mythical by even the most daring naturalists.

These specimens, first observed by the Royal Society for Aquatic Lunacy, offer unparalleled insight into the absurdity of marine evolution. Future expeditions are planned, though early reports suggest all collected samples have been deep-fried and served with tartar sauce.

The Hot Rod Wiener Roaster!

Why settle for a gas station snack when you can grill on the go? Introducing the Hot Dog Sizzler—plug it into your car’s electrical system and cook two wieners in three to five minutes.

For just $3.95, your dashboard transforms into a rolling roadside diner. Because nothing says “safety first” like balancing a hot dog in one hand and the wheel in the other.

The Great Ape approves and wants one for his vehicle

Hemi Healy

That’s some double entendre dynamite right there!

Either she’s talking about detailing a jalopy or this comic got away with more than the censors realized.

The Great Ape sees subtext, side-eye, and a man questioning his life choices. However this plays out, someone’s getting their hands dirty.

Jayne Mansfield Leaves for Rotterdam by Helicopter

If anyone could make military aviation glamorous, it was Jayne Mansfield. The queen of 1950s publicity certainly commanded attention. Whether it was on the red carpet or in the cockpit, Jayne knew how to work the camera.

Somewhere, a squadron of pilots probably volunteered for extra duty just to be on this flight. Fasten your seatbelts, gentlemen.

The Case of the Vanishing Acrobat

The circus left town last night. The tents were packed, the elephants loaded, and the clowns—well, the clowns always disappear without a trace.

But one act didn’t make it to the next town.

Madame Violetta, the Daredevil Queen of the High Wire, performed her final show under the big top, but something was off. The crowd cheered, the ringmaster smiled, yet she was nowhere to be seen when the curtain fell.

Now, all that remains is a single leg—red leather boot, circus finery—abandoned in a bathtub that tells no tales.

Did she fall? Was she pushed? Or was this just another act—the greatest disappearing trick of them all?

The Great Ape’s Early Modeling Career – A Tale of Grit, Glamour, and Gorilla Suits

Before he was a pulp prophet, a nitro-fueled oracle, and the ultimate arbiter of taste, the Great Ape paid his dues. You think wisdom comes easy? You think a legacy is built overnight? Think again.

Once upon a time, he prowled the streets in a borrowed gorilla suit, posing with Bettie Page, carrying dames across busy intersections, and ensuring no fiendish mashers got too close. The pay? Loose change and a banana stipend. The respect? Still in the making.

But a star was rising. The fur? Temporary. The presence? Permanent.

The Great Ape saw, learned, and evolved. Now, he rules the jungle of pop culture, commanding respect, admiration, and the occasional terrified scream.

The lesson? Even the greatest start somewhere. And sometimes, that somewhere involves B-movie magazine spreads and a pair of high heels.

The 90s Were Wild

Bigfoot? More like Big Drip. The real mystery isn’t whether Sasquatch exists—it’s how he found JNCOs in his size.

The Great Ape Sees Style this fresh is meant to be seen, not hidden.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

That Fancy Coffee Cup Sleeve Has a Name!

Think that little cardboard sleeve around your scalding hot coffee cup is just a throwaway convenience? It’s called a zarf.

Sounds like something out of a sci-fi novel, but this humble heat shield has been protecting hands from poor life choices since ancient times. Originally, a zarf was a fancy metal holder for coffee cups in the Middle East—because back then, people knew how to drink in style. Now, it’s just a bit of cardboard keeping you from third-degree burns.

So next time you grab a coffee, hold up that sleeve and declare, “Behold, my mighty zarf!” Just don’t spill it on yourself trying to look sophisticated.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“The Ambassadors of Flesh – Planet Stories, Summer ’54”

Ah, the fine intergalactic tradition of questionable commerce!

Some planets trade in spice, some in starships, but this particular gladiator-meets-space-opera dystopia deals in human cargo—and business is booming.

A mohawked merchant of dubious ethics unveils his latest “off-world acquisition”, while the local warlord in a Space-Roman cosplay decides if she’s worth parting with his collection of glowing sci-fi knickknacks.

Meanwhile, the crowd is just here for the show—smirking away like this is the best entertainment since the last arena deathmatch.

The Great Ape Knows – When visiting alien civilizations, always check the local customs before accepting a “VIP invitation.”

Have a read! Planet Stories (1954 Summer)

Creamy Two Tone

“One Wheel, No Fear – The Future of 1931”

Step aside, four-wheeled conformists—this bold, dapper daredevil is rolling into the future of personal transport. Who needs balance when you’ve got style, confidence, and a reckless disregard for physics?

Sure, the mono-wheel never quite took off, but that’s just because the world wasn’t ready. De-evolution approved.

Maximum Rake, Maximum Cool

When your front wheel is somewhere in the next zip code and your riding posture screams “total control, zero concerns,” you’ve entered the realm of chopper supremacy.

Not built for tight turns. Not built for comfort. Built for the bold, the fearless, and those who prefer their handlebars with a side of reach.

This panel is definitely a victim of unintended phrasing.

Let’s assume this is totally above board and innocent (for the sake of sanity). Here are three alternate completely legitimate explanations:

1. Dentist Recruitment Finals – “Ladies, we take oral hygiene seriously. Time to see if you can identify cavities from across the room!”
2. Public Speaking Bootcamp – “Now that we’ve weeded out the weak, it’s time for the ultimate test: delivering an impromptu speech on why hats are essential in modern society.”
3. Extreme Gum Chewing Audition – “Final challenge: how many sticks of gum can you fit in your mouth while enunciating ‘She sells seashells by the seashore’?“

The expressions say it all—some of these ladies are definitely rethinking their life choices.

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Blood in the Alley, Fire in the Sky

This Ain’t a War. It’s an Extinction Event.

When the air raid sirens go off and there’s nothing in the sky—run.

TRUE FACT DETECTIVE CASES!

Some women love to kill… Some kill to love.

Read—DAUGHTER OF SATAN and THE FICKLE LOVER!

High heels, hot lead, and a heart full of danger. This dame is more than trouble—she’s the whole damn crime scene.

Only 25¢—but it’ll cost you your soul!

Need any tweaks, or does this one hit the mark?

Welcome to the American Dream – Western Auto Style!

Nothing says suburban bliss like a brand-new lawn tractor, a telescope, a fully stocked fridge, and a kid with a guitar ready to serenade the neighborhood—all conveniently available from your local Western Auto Catalog Order Center!

Dad’s revving up the good times, Mom’s posing with perfection, and the kids are mastering science and rock ‘n’ roll—because in 1965, the future was as bright as that gleaming new barbecue set.

Everything you need for the ultimate backyard utopia—and satisfaction is guaranteed!

The Great Ape sees it and wonders—who needs NASA when you’ve got a telescope, a riding mower, and unlimited backyard ambition?

Hairy Canary

The Sound of the Future—Yesterday!

Loud colors. Chunky dials. A built-in speaker that rattled like a tin can full of bees. This Pathé Marconi VSM 8004 was the ultimate portable turntable for vinyl junkies who wanted their records to spin with style.

The Great Ape sees the glory, sees the groove, and wonders—how many scratched LPs did this bad boy claim in its day?

Burt Munro’s Indian Scout—A Legend in the Grass

No fancy garage. No corporate sponsorship. Just sheer determination and an old Indian Scout that refused to quit. Burt Munro, the bloke from Invercargill, turned this machine into a land speed record-breaker with grit, ingenuity, and a shed full of homemade parts.

Speed was his language, and Bonneville was his stage. Kiwi ingenuity at its finest.

The Ultimate Showdown: Minister of Silly Walks vs. Bruce Lee

One honed his craft in the temple of Jeet Kune Do. The other honed his in the halls of British bureaucracy.

One flows like water. The other moves like a malfunctioning marionette.

But in the end, only one can kick with both deadly force and impeccable comedic timing.

Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970) – When AI Had a Serious Office Job

Before artificial intelligence lived in your pocket whispering targeted ads, it was hulking, room-sized, and ready to take over the world with an unlimited supply of dot-matrix printouts.

Colossus and Guardian—two supercomputers, one catastrophic decision: team up and rule humanity. The Great Ape sees the future, sees the warning signs, and wonders… how long until the machines demand a lunch break?

The Voice of World Control

“This is the voice of World Control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content, or the peace of unburied death.” 1970’s Colossus: The Forbin Project was a chilling prophecy of AI dominance, surveillance, and what happens when humanity builds a machine it can’t control. Before Skynet, before HAL 9000, there was Colossus—an unemotional overlord that stopped predicting and started dictating the future.

Press play. Listen closely. The machine is watching just like the Great Ape does! “Freedom is an illusion, all you lose is the emotion of pride”

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

You’ve Been Singing It Wrong This Whole Time!

Ever belted out a song with absolute confidence, only to find out later you’ve been butchering the lyrics for years? Congratulations, you’ve experienced a mondegreen!

A mondegreen happens when you mishear a phrase—especially in songs—and turn it into something completely ridiculous. You thought Jimi Hendrix sang “Excuse me while I kiss this guy”? Nope, it’s “kiss the sky.” Thought Elton John was belting out “Hold me closer, Tony Danza”? Sorry, it’s “Tiny Dancer.”

Your brain fills in the gaps, and suddenly, every classic hit is about questionable dinner choices and romantic entanglements with sitcom stars.

So next time someone corrects your totally incorrect lyrics, just tell them, “It’s not wrong, it’s a mondegreen.”

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“THE SKY’S THE LIMIT… OR MAYBE JUST A TRAFFIC VIOLATION”

He wanted to stand out. Now he’s standing in front of a cop, explaining why his car looks like it’s preparing for liftoff.

Some say it’s a gasser. Others say it’s a miscalculation of how gravity works. The officer? He just wants to know if there’s an actual reason for this much altitude on a boulevard cruiser.

The Grate Ape reckons Life’s a Gasser and this guy is committed to the bit.

The Evolution of Kurrgo’s Robot

Alex Toth, the genius behind Space Ghost, The Herculoids, and The Galaxy Trio, had an unmistakable touch when it came to bold, minimalist character design. But even the greats take inspiration, and you don’t have to look hard to see the echoes of Gort from The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) in this 1967 Fantastic Four model sheet for Kurrgo’s robot.

Toth was adapting an existing Jack Kirby creation from the comics, translating it for Hanna-Barbera’s animation style. The end result? A towering, monolithic enforcer that feels like the missing link between sci-fi’s silver screen robots and classic Saturday morning cartoons.

Sleek, simple, and just a little menacing—this is what happens when legends of design build on each other’s work.

Well now, I have several questions.

First off, who exactly is this sign for? And if they’re reading it, should we really be letting them into a firearms range? Don’t get me wrong—accessibility is great, but this feels like a bold experiment in trusting the process.

Was this a case of “just follow the guidelines” with zero second thoughts? Or did someone out there actually think, “You know what this shooting range needs? More surprises.”

Either way, The Great Ape is gunna stand way behind the safety line on this one.

This vintage ad is a prime slice of 1970s automotive marketing madness

Where performance parts were sold with attitude, flash, and a bit of suggestive flair.

GT TIGER mufflers were not for anyone. No, these were for the big boys, the ones who wanted to roar down the strip with a deep growl and a hot orange finish. If you had the guts to prove it, GT TIGER was ready to announce your arrival long before you hit the gas.

Did it make your car faster? Maybe.
Did it make your car louder? Absolutely.

“Are you big enough to ride the Wild One?” The real question is, are you brave enough to admit you fell for this kind of ad back in the day?

“LET’S HAVE A PRUNE PARTY – Because Nothing Screams Fun Like a Natural Laxative!”

Gather ‘round, kids! Forget cake, ice cream, or joy—this year, it’s prune tarts! Bursting with fiber, regret, and questionable childhood memories.

Prunes are oh-so-easy to eat, whether straight from the package or cooked into a dessert no child actually asked for. Serve with prune juice for maximum evacuation efficiency.

The California Prune Advisory Board invites you to experience a party like no other… mostly because it’ll be over in 30 minutes for ‘urgent’ reasons.

The Great Ape’s Cousin Was a Perv!

Peeping primates and midnight mischief—long before surveillance cameras, the Ape’s distant relative had his own method of “keeping watch.” This isn’t King Kong; this is King Wrong.

When window shopping turns into full-scale voyeurism, you know things are about to go bananas.

“WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY!”

One moment, you’re scanning for minerals. The next? Martian nightmare fuel erupts from the ground, all eyes, pincers, and bad intentions.

“Uh… Captain? I think we parked on its house.“

The Great Ape Loves the Art of Ed Emshwiller but Knows – Always check the fine print on interplanetary land surveys.

Perfect Vision

Even vengeance needs a laundry day.

Gotham’s Dark Knight or the Dark Whites? The Great Ape sees a silent guardian, a watchful protector… carefully pegging his Bat-briefs. Justice may be eternal, but those capes still need fabric softener.

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The Man in the Alley Asked for a Light—Then He Vanished.

Some Deals Are Made in Darkness, and Some Buyers Ain’t Human.

A cigarette flickers. A shadow moves. The deal was made before you even answered.

The Mattel Dream Car

Because in 1953, the future had fins, chrome, and a Bomber Bubble canopy that screamed “drive fast and break the space-time continuum.”

Low-slung, high-gloss, and packed with Speed Streak friction power, this was a pint-sized atomic-age fever dream on wheels. Whether you rolled with the Red Blaze, the Blue Bullet, or the Chartreuse Dreamliner, one thing was certain: you were the king of the playroom highway.

The Great Ape approves. More bubble canopies, more chrome, more reckless optimism—less actual traffic laws.

HE SECRET LIFE OF SALVADOR DALÍ IN SOVIET RUSSIA

(Comrade Dalí Will See You Now!)

Straight from the deepest vaults of the KGB’s Top Secret Surrealist Archives, long-lost photographs have surfaced, revealing a parallel universe where Salvador Dalí swapped his lavish Spanish villa for the frozen streets of Soviet Russia.

It turns out the famed mustachioed maestro of surrealism wasn’t just a painter—he was a beer smuggler, cow milker, street sweeper, tractor enthusiast, accordion virtuoso, and possibly the most stylish factory worker in all of the USSR.

The whispers have been around for decades:

• Did Dalí visit Moscow disguised as a humble factory cook, stirring borscht with an existential crisis?
• Was he sent by the KGB to instill surrealism into Soviet realism?
• Did he challenge a village babushka to a moustache duel?

The evidence is clear—Dalí adapted to Soviet life far too well. Whether posing dramatically with a cow, squatting outside a factory with the other hard-working comrades, or contemplating the mysteries of a beer crate economy, his genius knew no borders.

Some say he left behind a masterpiece titled “Persistence of Vodka”, hidden somewhere in Siberia. Others claim he was last seen painting melting clocks on the walls of a Lada factory before disappearing into the night.

Was it real? Was it surreal?
Does it even matter?

All we know is this—if Dalí had ever set foot in the Soviet Union, it would have looked exactly like this.

And The Great Ape and Comrade Dalí approves.

“THE BIONIC BATTLE—WHERE MASKATRON LEARNS THE HARD WAY THAT YOU DON’T MESS WITH A MAN WORTH SIX MILLION BUCKS!”

This 1970s toy ad had everything—a cyborg hero, a robotic master of disguise, and BIONIC SURGERY (because apparently, that was a feature kids needed in their action figures).

Steve Austin: Stronger, faster, and capable of ripping Maskatron’s face off like a kid unwrapping a bad Christmas present.
Maskatron: The ultimate enemy because… he can swap heads and has an arm that might be more powerful than a toaster.

1976 was wild but is it still too late to join!

Too Cool for School!

Mini Outlaws on Two Wheels! Forget the playground—this is where legends were made. Banana seats, sissy bars, and forks stretched longer than a summer afternoon. These kids ruled the streets, rolling with pure style and a little bit of attitude.

The Great Ape needs to go find his ape hangers and hang with this gang.

Officer Hercules reporting for duty!

Parallel parking wasn’t going well, so the local strongman decided to “adjust” the situation manually. The Great Ape sees law, order, and one hell of an insurance claim.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

When @#$%! Just Won’t Cut It!

Ever stub your toe, drop your burger, or watch your team choke in the final seconds and suddenly find yourself spewing a string of comic-book-worthy profanity? Congratulations, you’ve used a grawlix!

A grawlix is that glorious string of symbols (@$%&!) used in comics, cartoons, and even polite company to replace cursing. It lets you unleash your frustration without getting fined by the FCC or getting the stink-eye from grandma.

So the next time you feel an expletive explosion bubbling up, just drop a strategic grawlix instead. It keeps things classy, chaotic, and just mysterious enough to make people wonder what you really meant.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“Moon Rocks and Mystery – The Future, as Predicted in Ink”

Back when the 1970s were the future and the Moon was the next great frontier, comics like this painted a picture of scientific ambition, Cold War competition, and the lurking question: Who else is already out there?

The Great Ape sees bold predictions, big questions, and a lunar mission that still feels like the setup for an alien encounter.

Cool Stance

The Faster Pussycat Kill Kill Gals

High kicks, high speed, and highly dangerous—when these three hit the road, nothing gets in their way. Russ Meyer’s queens of mayhem didn’t come to play nice. They came to race, wreck, and ruin anyone dumb enough to stand in their path.

If you hear an engine rev and see boots hit the dirt—run.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! – Burning Rubber & Breaking Rules

Engines snarl, dust flies, and attitude takes the wheel. Tura Satana’s Varla isn’t here to play fair—she’s here to own the road and bury the competition.

This is Russ Meyer’s world of gasoline, grit, and go-go boots with a death wish. Hit play and witness raw horsepower, ruthless ambition, and the kind of chaos that earns the Great Ape’s seal of approval.

“Introducing: The Banana Standard”

In a world of rigid measurements and unforgiving precision, the humble banana emerges as a merciful alternative.

Do use it for estimates, loose approximations, and everyday exaggerations. Almost caught me a 2.5 banana-long fish. No silly, get me the purse that’s 1 ¾ bananas wide. Little Johnny is 7 bananas tall already.

Don’t use it for building, legal language, accounting, medicine, military purposes, or anything that requires exact standards of measure.

The Great Ape Approves—finally, a unit of measure with appeal.

Bill Paxton: Smiling Through the Apocalypse

Some people crack under pressure. Bill Paxton? He grins through a face full of carnage like it’s just another Tuesday. Whether he’s battling aliens, vampires, or the end of the world itself, he never loses that devil-may-care attitude. The man didn’t just play survivors—he played guys who looked death in the eye, laughed, and ordered another round.

If you’re not facing the abyss with a Paxton-style smirk, are you even doing it right?

The Great Ape approves. Game over? Not for Bill.

ZORRO & GRAN: JUSTICE NEVER TAKES A NAP

The year is… well, probably sometime in the late ’60s or ’70s, but in the mind of this masked avenger, it’s a lawless frontier where justice must be served! Our young hero, clad in denim overalls and the unmistakable mark of Zorro, sits poised for action—gripping what might be a toy gun, a snack, or the key to the city—while his wise and battle-hardened abuela watches over him with the patience of someone who’s seen it all.

Her face says, “I’ve been through two world wars, a depression, and raising six kids—I can handle this little masked bandit.” Meanwhile, Zorro is clearly plotting his next move, possibly a daring escape to the kitchen for more cookies or a showdown with the cat.

It’s a classic case of old-school wisdom meets childhood imagination. One thing’s for sure—trouble won’t last long in this household, not with El Niño Zorro on the job!

“Trajectory… Unstable!”

Somewhere in the galaxy, a rogue celestial body has broken free of its orbit and is now entering the atmosphere at terminal velocity.

The crowd looks on, some in awe, some in terror, all about to witness impact.

The Great Ape watches and thinks “That’s No Moon! but takes cover.

BOBO’S BIG PAYBACK!

You fools thought you could keep BOBO locked up forever? Now the tables have turned!

Bobo, rocking that gold medallion of vengeance, has seized power, and it’s primate justice time.

Lesson learned? If you ever find yourself locking up a gorilla, maybe—just maybe—double-check that it doesn’t have a thirst for revenge and a surprisingly well-organized legal strategy.

The Colonel’s Secret Recipe for Charm

Forget diamonds—crispy, golden-fried poultry is a girl’s real best friend. The Colonel knew this better than anyone. A Southern gentleman with a twinkle in his eye, a drumstick in his hand, and 11 herbs and spices in his arsenal, he was out here proving that finger-lickin’ good could also be dangerously smooth.

Some men bring flowers. The Colonel brings flavor.

The Great Ape sees all. The Great Ape knows—fried chicken is the true language of love.

“PARTNERS FOR PEACE… OR AT LEAST SUPERSONIC DOMINANCE!”

Nothing says peace quite like a nuclear-capable bomber escorting an intercontinental ballistic missile—all in the name of keeping the world “free.”

Convair’s B-58 Hustler, the first supersonic bomber, and the Atlas ICBM were a dynamic duo of Cold War deterrence—or as the marketing department put it, a “vital role in keeping the free world free.”

The Great Ape sees high-speed diplomacy, space-age saber-rattling, and the kind of optimism that only comes with Mach 2 and a payload.

1959 Ghia Selene

Designed by Tom Tjaarda, this futuristic machine pushed the limits of what an automobile could be. A forward-control people carrier, the Ghia Selene reimagined how a car should look and function.

At first glance, it played tricks on the eyes. What seemed like headlights were actually rear taillights, and the grille-like detail at the front was actually the back bumper. The true front end was completely smooth, extending over the front wheels, with the driver positioned much further forward than usual.

The Selene remained a concept and was never fitted with an engine. Designers may have planned for one under the rear trunk lid, but this was more of a styling exercise than a production-ready vehicle. The aerodynamic shape may have been an effort to improve efficiency, but the result was something that looked unusual both inside and out.

It never made it to the road, but as a glimpse into the future, the Ghia Selene left an impression.

“Epidemic on Venus – Fantastic Universe, August 1955”

Medical science on Venus has taken a bold new direction—part cyberpunk, part mad science, and entirely questionable.

Here we have what we assume is a patient undergoing the latest in interplanetary disease control, which apparently involves neural enhancements, psychedelic force fields, and a robot doctor with a serious fetish for dramatic lighting.

The real question: is this a cure… or an upgrade?

The Great Ape Knows – If the “healing process” requires glowing containment beams and a mechanical overlord, maybe just take your chances with the flu.

The Entire issue can be read here ! Fantastic Universe King-Size (Aug 1955)

Rock, Ruin, and a Raging Good Time

If you had one shot at the ultimate New Year’s Eve party, this would be it. Alice Cooper, still looking like he just crawled out of a haunted mansion and loving it. Jean Simmons, bringing a level of grace that somehow balances out the mayhem. And Cousin Cornelius? Always dressed to impress, always down for chaos.

Balloons? Check. Bizarre company? Check. The kind of night you wake up from not knowing where your shoes went, but with a feeling you were part of something legendary? Absolutely.

The Great Ape sees all. The Great Ape approves.

“ENERGY BREAKFAST! PRUNES WITH SPAM AND EGGS!”

Because nothing says ‘power start to your day’ like a forbidden combination of salt, sugar, and catastrophic consequences.

Prunes for ‘vitality’ (aka nature’s reset button), Spam for questionable protein, and eggs for the illusion of normalcy. A meal scientifically engineered to keep you ‘feeling good all day’… or at least within a short distance of a restroom.

The California Prune Advisory Board won’t rest until prunes are in every meal. Next up? Prune Pizza? Prune Sushi? The possibilities (and consequences) are endless!

“Excuse Me, Miss… You Dropped Something—Like My Jaw”

When chivalry meets the undead, you get this bold and unconventional pickup attempt. He’s been waiting under this car since the Eisenhower administration just for the perfect moment.

Is she stunned, intrigued, or reaching for her tire iron? Hard to say, but one thing’s for sure—this guy is dying to impress her.

Flying Dutchman

HAROLD W. McCAULEY (1913–1977): PULP ART’S MASTER OF SCI-FI BEAUTY

Harold W. McCauley defined the golden age of pulp science fiction, blending futuristic adventure with a striking sense of style. His covers for Amazing Stories, Fantastic Adventures, and Imagination didn’t just capture the imagination—they defined the look of sci-fi for a generation.

WHAT MADE McCAULEY UNFORGETTABLE?

• Sci-Fi with a Dash of Glamour – His heroines were front and center, wielding weapons, exploring alien worlds, and always dressed for intergalactic intrigue.
• The McCauley Touch – Strong compositions, vibrant colors, and a distinctive sense of movement made his work stand out on crowded newsstands.
• Beyond Sci-Fi – His commercial work spanned advertisements, calendars, and even product packaging, proving his talent was not confined to one genre.

THE McCAULEY GIRL: A PIN-UP ICON IN SPACE

His most famous legacy? The McCauley Girl. She was equal parts pin-up queen and spacefaring adventurer, often draped in sheer, futuristic fabrics, striking a balance between mystery and power. These women weren’t just set dressing for pulp fiction—they were the reason readers grabbed the magazine off the shelf.

Harold W. McCauley’s art shaped how sci-fi saw the future—bold, dynamic, and filled with unforgettable characters.

LET’S SEE MORE

Click the images and celebrate the pulp genius of McCauley.

The Other Munro, Caroline – All Shiny and Chrome

When glamour meets cult cinema, you get Caroline Munro—a silver-clad siren who didn’t need Hollywood’s permission to shine. From Hammer horror to sci-fi schlock, from Bond girls to B-movie queens, she ruled them all with a knowing smirk and a wardrobe that could blind lesser mortals.

Pianos, champagne, and a gaze that says she already knows exactly how this night is going to end.

The Great Ape “tips” his banana to Ms Munro!

She is Stock

Public Transit Rules Were Wild Back in the Day

No lawn mowers on the streetcar? Fine. But nobody said a word about bringing a monkey.

Priorities were clearly different in this era, and The Great Ape approves—as long as the monkey gets a seat.

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Cybernetic Hitmen and the Black Market for Memories

The Future Belongs to the Ones Who Can Afford It

Need a new identity? A new past? A new conscience? The right price buys anything—except your way out.

Existential Crisis Loading…

You thought you were just scrolling memes, but what if this is the first crack in your reality? What if the past two decades have been nothing but a lucid dream, and this is your wake-up call?

Don’t panic. Or do.

The Great Ape Knows: If you wake up, don’t forget to unplug yourself from the Matrix first.

“MACGREGOR’S FIRE RETARDANT SHORTS—HOTTEST IN THE MARKET!”

Sure, they ignite instantly, but that’s just part of the charm.

Look for “The Burning Boy” label—your guarantee of at least five seconds of protection.

Now available in ‘Smoldering Red’ and ‘Third-Degree Charcoal’!

NOW AVAILABLE: ARTIFICIAL FEELINGS!

Tired of cold, lifeless calculations? TK Brand™ Robot Emotions brings cutting-edge sentiment simulation straight to your circuits!

• HAPPINESS – Experience artificial joy! Simulated serotonin at an affordable price.
• RAGE – Because sometimes, malfunctioning printers deserve a swift boot.

Warning: Side effects may include existential crises, overclocked mood swings, and the sudden urge to eliminate all humans.

THE UNSINKABLE GHOST OF NAGATO

The Bikini Atoll nuclear tests sent dozens of ships to a radioactive grave, but Nagato, the once-mighty flagship of the Imperial Japanese Navy, refused to go down easy.

This 1919-built battleship survived the first airburst nuclear detonation, shrugged off the shockwave and water column, and only met its end four days after an underwater blast—not from immediate destruction, but because no one could board the floating nuclear nightmare to keep it afloat.

And The Great Ape Thinks Nuke Testing is REALLY Dumb.

Let’s not wreck the only planet we’ve got. It’s where I keep my stuff!

“THE ROBOT LOVE TRIANGLE—A TRAGEDY IN CIRCUITS AND STEEL!”

It was supposed to be just another night at the Robo-Lounge—a little oil, some light recalibration, maybe even a round of synchronized jazz hands. But then… tragedy struck!

Was this a lover’s quarrel? A software malfunction? Or just a poorly-timed firmware update?

One thing’s for sure—somebody’s getting rebooted… permanently.

Build for Speed – Jungle Pam

FRANK FRAZETTA’S SERPENT: A MASTERPIECE FROM A SINGLE STROKE

In 1973, Frank Frazetta painted what would become “The Serpent”, an unforgettable image of muscle, struggle, and oozing terror. Originally created as the cover for Ardor on Argos by Andrew Offutt, the artwork began with nothing more than a simple “S” shape on the canvas.

From that one stroke, Frazetta’s imagination exploded—a warrior ensnared by a monstrous, writhing serpent in a pool of swampy doom. The scene practically pulsates with tension, a moment frozen in time where one slip means oblivion.

Frazetta’s genius lay in his raw, instinctive approach—no sketches, no planning, just sheer creative fury unleashed on canvas. The Great Ape Approves.

The 1969 Home Entertainment Experience

Back in the day, when you watched TV—you braced for impact. Whether it was a moon landing, Evel Knievel, or grandma’s favorite soap opera getting a little too real, safety always came first.

The Great Ape Knows: Sometimes, prime-time drama hits harder than expected.

Vantasy

“THE TWO ESSENTIALS OF LIFE—FREE!”

Nothing brings a community together like horses and bowling balls. Are they a package deal? Is this a rural-urban fusion giveaway? Are we meant to bowl with the horses or ride the bowling balls?

One thing’s for sure—whatever’s happening here, it’s majestic.

Thirst for Hurst – Linda Vaughn

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Skeuomorph – When the Past Won’t Let Go!

Ever wonder why your phone camera app still looks like an old-school camera, or why digital books still have “pages” to flip? That’s skeuomorphism in action—when modern tech clings to outdated design features just to feel familiar.

We don’t need floppy disk icons to save files or woodgrain textures on our music apps, but here we are—dragging the past kicking and screaming into the future. It’s like putting fake wood paneling on a Tesla just because grandpa’s station wagon had it.

Some call it design nostalgia, others call it a crutch for the weak-minded. Either way, the world refuses to let go of the past—and that’s why your phone still makes a “click” noise when you take a picture.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

Ummmm NO!

This is exactly why you never follow the eerie laughter into the woods. If your night takes a turn where this greets you from behind a tree, it’s time to relocate, change your name, and possibly burn the forest down.

This 1955 Science IQ Quiz is a stellar time capsule of mid-century sci-fi knowledge!

Some of these questions are timeless, while others—like the “Counter-Earth” (question 7) and the mythical planet inside Mercury’s orbit (question 13)—reflect the speculative science of the era. And let’s not forget Jonathan Swift’s eerily accurate prediction about Mars’ moons (question 10), long before their actual discovery.

But let’s be honest—if you ace this test, either you’re a vintage sci-fi buff or you just came back from the year 1955.

The Great Ape Knows – If you score below 50, your Space Patrol credentials are revoked. Score 80 or higher, and we’ll send you straight to the bridge of a rocket cruiser.

Here we have the official answers to the 1955 Science I.Q. Quiz! Let’s see how you did:

1. The Andromeda Nebula – Before we called it the Andromeda Galaxy, it was still thought to be a nebula.
2. Increase – Satellites pick up speed when encountering resistance.
3. Two – The only even prime number.
4. Clavius – The massive lunar crater, also known for its 2001: A Space Odyssey connection.
5. Twenty-six – That’s how many prime numbers exist in the first 100 numbers.
6. Callisto – Alongside Titan and Ganymede, it’s one of the largest moons.
7. Antichthon – The “Counter-Earth” myth, hiding behind the sun.
8. Ninety-eight – Uranus’ extreme axial tilt.
9. Barycenter – The common center of gravity between two celestial bodies.
10. 151 – The number of years before Phobos and Deimos were discovered (Swift predicted them in 1726, found in 1877).
11. Osmium – The densest naturally occurring element.
12. Closer – The closer a planet is to the sun, the faster it orbits.
13. Vulcan – A hypothetical planet once believed to exist within Mercury’s orbit.
14. Light – Electromagnetic waves travel at the speed of light.
15. Tesseract – A four-dimensional hypercube.
16. Two – Number of foci in an elliptical orbit.
17. 35,000,000 degrees – The approximate temperature of the sun’s core.
18. Sixth – The moon ranks sixth largest among satellites in our solar system.
19. Yes – Are trans-uranic elements artificial? Yes.
20. Four – Three solar eclipses occur for every four lunar eclipses.

Final Score?
Each answer is worth 5 points—if you hit 80 or more, you’re fit for intergalactic service!

If not?
Well, buddy, better brush up—The Great Ape approves or revokes based on performance

Quiz taken from Worlds of IF (December 1955) This entire issue can be read here! Pictured Below.

THE ALLURE OF EARLE BERGEY

Earle Bergey knew how to paint a woman who owned the room—shoulders back, chin high, eyes locked in cool defiance. His work never focused on damsels in distress; his women looked like they knew exactly what they were doing… and so did the leering fools around them.

Bergey’s art blurred the lines between pulp, pin-up, and fine illustration, making him a powerhouse in mid-century pop culture. From the daringly-clad sci-fi heroines of the ‘40s to the sultry cover sirens of detective magazines, he set the standard for bold, eye-catching imagery.

The Great Ape tips his hat—if these creeps had any sense, they’d do the same.

Standing in the Presence of Giants

These Sequoia titans have been towering over the Earth for thousands of years, silently watching as history unfolds beneath their colossal roots.

At over 88 meters tall and 9 meters in diameter, they are nature’s skyscrapers, making even the bravest humans look like mere ants. General Sherman, the largest of them all, carries 2000 years of wisdom in its bark and enough volume to rival an Olympic swimming pool.

If trees could talk, this one would tell epic tales of time itself.

Citrus Fresh

LOVE HITS DIFFERENT IN OLD COMICS

Ah, vintage romance comics—where love is passionate, dramatic, and occasionally leaves bruises to match your engagement ring.

This wink says, “Sure, my ribs might be sore, but isn’t that just the price of a happy ending?”

Somewhere between true love and light assault, the Golden Age of romance comics gave us gems like this. Because nothing says commitment like a firm grip and a casual disregard for personal space. The End… or just the beginning of a very questionable honeymoon?

“HEADS – 50¢ EACH”

A bargain for those in need of a spare noggin! Whether you’re looking to replace a lost one, start a sinister collection, or just need a conversation piece for the mantle, this window display has you covered—literally.

Limited-time offer! Buy two, and we’ll throw in an expression of mild surprise for free.

Owww!

Dad (gritting teeth, to the nurse): “Oh, it could have been worse… We were practicing William Tell, and luckily, I dropped the apple.”

Kid (grinning, holding bow): “Yeah, and now we know my aim’s better than we thought!”

Nurse (sighing, grabbing more paperwork): “You’re gonna need a different kind of doctor if you try that again.”

The Flying Nun… But With Explosives!

Sally Field could NEVER!

Looks like Sister Bertrille took a hard left turn from convent life and straight into guerrilla warfare. Forget spreading the good word—she’s dropping TNT like holy communion!

Heavenly flight path? Questionable.
Divine intervention? Unlikely.
Saintly approval? Absolutely not.

Somewhere, the Vatican’s PR department is working overtime.

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The Moon Turned Red, and the Howling Didn’t Stop.

Something’s Loose in the Hills, and It Ain’t Looking for a Peaceful Night.

Silver won’t help you now. There’s too many of them.

The Future Sounded Better in the Past

Meet the Grundig HiFi-Kugelstrahler 700, the speaker that looked like it came straight off a UFO but landed in your living room instead. Omnidirectional audio, sleek mid-century design, and an aura of advanced German engineering—because why settle for speakers that just sit there when they can hover in your imagination?

The Great Ape approves—but only if it sounds as good as it looks.

“The Party of the Century… or the Twilight Zone?”

Somewhere between Vegas, vinyl, and whatever fever dream the one on the right stumbled out of, this gathering defies explanation. The dice is loaded, the cat’s got claws, and Little Bo Peep took a turn nobody saw coming.

Costume parties used to be about elegance, mystery, and charm. This? This is pure chaotic energy.

The Great Ape Salutes—because commitment like this deserves respect.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Collywobbles – When Your Stomach Stages a Rebellion!

That weird, fluttery feeling in your gut? The collywobbles have arrived! Maybe it’s pre-game jitters, first-date nerves, or that questionable burrito you trusted against all logic—either way, your stomach just called in sick.

The term goes way back to the 19th century, where “colly” meant grimy or unwell, and “wobbles” meant, well… you know exactly what it means.

One part anxiety, one part bad life choices, and 100% guaranteed to send you running to the nearest restroom.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

Mortal Kombat Presents: The Spinacher

Popeye finishes what he starts—with a can of iron-fueled devastation.

One gulp, and Brutus is about to experience a well-balanced beatdown. The Great Ape sees the carnage, the vitamin-packed fury, and approves.

Who’s Sled?

Sid & Nancy: The Crossover Nobody Saw Coming

Punk anarchy meets wholesome Sunday funnies in this timeline gone horribly wrong.

Sid’s got the leather, the sneer, and the “I don’t care” attitude. Nancy, well… she’s just happy to be here.

Somewhere, Malcolm McLaren and Ernie Bushmiller are locked in an existential fistfight over this unholy mash-up.

“Blonde Cargo” and “School for Assassins”

A prime example of the wild, unhinged pulp era—where science fiction, exploitation, and interstellar commerce went hand in hand!

Auctioning off Terran Females for wives, slaves, and sweethearts? That’s Martian Imports Ltd. for you—offering deals that’ll make your moral compass short-circuit!

And let’s not ignore those headlines—“Blonde Cargo” and “School for Assassins”—because why settle for just one ethically dubious concept when you can stack ‘em high like a Martian slave market clearance sale?

The Great Ape Approves—with a raised eyebrow and a stiff drink.

This entire issue can be read Amazing Stories January 1958

A walking carpet and a space princess, proving that gravity is optional when you’re royalty.

Peter Mayhew built like a Wookiee skyscraper, Carrie Fisher floating like she belongs in the stars. Champagne? Check. Flip-flops? Check. The Force? Strong as ever.

“WHEN TORQUE WAS KING AND HAIR WASN’T A CONCERN”

Back in the day, this bloke ruled the streets with horsepower, attitude, and a Camaro that looked like it was ready to launch into another dimension. Now? The only thing moving faster than that big block under the hood is the Great Ape’s receding hairline.

Time may have caught up, but legends like this don’t fade—they just idle a little lower.

“Breakfast… The Final Frontier”

Captain’s Log: Stardate Over Easy. We have encountered a most curious celestial formation—The Egg Nebula, complete with planetary bodies made of mystery meat, compressed sugar, and what appears to be an M&M-class object.

Analysis suggests zero nutritional value but infinite cosmic potential.

The Great Ape sees all. The Great Ape questions everything. But most importantly, the Great Ape does not eat this.

“WAIT, MRS. BROWN, PLEASE!”

Well, Mrs. Brown ain’t having NONE of it! Whatever poor life choices this guy just made, he’s now in full damage control mode. But that apron-clutching, scandalized posture says it all—he’s about three seconds from a frying pan to the face.

MONDAY MORNING MOOD: THE LONDON UNDERGROUND EDITION

Rush hour at Oxford Circus Station, 1980s. The suited masses shuffle into the depths of the Tube, their faces drained of hope, enthusiasm, and possibly oxygen. A sea of beige, grey, and quiet despair.

But wait—what’s this? Among the downtrodden, a lone rebel emerges. A pink-clad commuter who refuses to conform, sticking out her tongue at the drudgery of the daily grind. The underground may own their souls, but not hers.

A reminder that no matter how grim the commute, how oppressive the routine, there’s always room for a little defiance.

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The Devil Rides Shotgun and the Pedal’s to the Floor

When the Reaper Takes the Passenger Seat, You Don’t Ask Questions

One road in, no way out. The gas gauge is full, but the ride’s running on borrowed time.

The Summer of Horsepower and High-Octane Dreams

Nothing said “America” in the ’70s like a blown big-block Corvette, a scorching summer day, and a bikini-clad bombshell leaning against fiberglass and fury.

That 76 octane might have fueled the engine, but the real power came from the attitude. Chrome polished, blower whining, tires just begging to melt asphalt. Somewhere, a poor station attendant was trying to keep it cool while pretending this was just another day on the job.

“Go Big or Go Extinct!”

You came for the free Wi-Fi, but you’re staying for the nachos of legendary proportions. A meal so massive it demands its own gravitational pull.

Warning: Consumption may lead to an existential crisis or the inability to stand up. The Great Ape Approves—but only if you finish the whole thing.

“Welcome to the Capitol, Gentlemen—Just Remember, We’re Not Supposed to Eat the Politicians… Yet.”

They came in peace, they said. They definitely weren’t infiltrating positions of power, they insisted. And that thing about replacing key officials with disguised reptilian operatives? Pure conspiracy nonsense!

“Hey, fellas, I told you D.C. was easy to take over. You just smile, shake hands, and make vague promises. Works every time.”

The Great Ape loves the illustration by Ralph McQuarrie and Knows – The takeover isn’t coming. It already happened.

Schwinn Power Cycle Truck – The OG of Motorized Delivery!

Before gig economy bike couriers were breaking speed limits in city streets, Schwinn had already cracked the code for fast, efficient, two-wheeled delivery.

With a built-in engine, sturdy cargo basket, and enough power to haul groceries, hardware, and even a florist’s daily bloom orders, this machine was the future of urban transport before it was cool.

Got deliveries to make? Forget struggling with a pushbike. Strap in, fire up, and let the Schwinn Power Cycle Truck turn your daily grind into a high-speed adventure.

Because why pedal when you can motor?

“VIVA THIS VEGA: SMALL BODY, BIG ATTITUDE”

Chevy’s little Vega was never meant to terrorize the streets, but somebody forgot to tell this one. That golden paint job shines like a warning—this thing isn’t here to cruise, it’s here to hunt.

Tucked under that oversized hood scoop? Probably enough horsepower to send lesser cars into early retirement. The stance is all business, the tires are barely legal, and the whole package screams “meet me at the lights if you dare.”

Just a Man and His Chicken – A Tale as Old as Time

No need to ask questions. This is simply two good buddies, kickin’ back, sharin’ a cold one.

You wouldn’t understand. This is trust. This is companionship. This is… whatever this is.

WHEN EXISTENTIAL DREAD HITS HARD

If 3% of reality is already overwhelming, just imagine if we could perceive the full spectrum of the cosmic nightmare. The rent, the emails, the badly parked cars, the crushing weight of existence—it’s all WAY too much.

This is the moment of pure existential crisis, the exact second when everything is just too real. Maybe it was a philosophical revelation, or maybe she just remembered something embarrassing from 12 years ago—either way, this is the face of someone who has gazed into the abyss, and the abyss definitely gazed back.

Solution? Shut it down. Go outside, touch some grass, watch a dumb movie, or consume a truly unhealthy amount of snacks. Reality may be a lot, but at least we can choose to ignore 97% of it.

“YOU BLEW IT UP! YOU MANIACS!”

The last remnants of the Empire lie buried beneath the sands—Darth Vader, half-submerged, his Sith reign long drowned by time and tide. The stormtroopers stare in silent horror.

“Damn you! Damn you all to Endor!”

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Lethologica – The Word You Can’t Remember for Forgetting Words!

You know that agonizing moment when you’re about to say something profound, but your brain short-circuits like a cheap knockoff toaster? That’s lethologica—the cruel trick where words vanish into the void just when you need them most.

You’ll spend the next ten minutes snapping your fingers, pointing wildly, and looking like you’re trying to summon a spirit guide to finish your sentence. Meanwhile, some helpful know-it-all will start guessing the wrong words just to watch you suffer.

Next time you forget what you were about to say, just confidently declare, “Ah, classic case of lethologica.” Then walk away before anyone asks follow-up questions.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“The Future of Education—Where Disobedience Meets Robotics!”

1969’s Shönen Sunday predicted a classroom dystopia where students wouldn’t just fear bad grades—they’d fear the mechanical enforcers of discipline!

Lose focus? BAM! Robo-ruler to the noggin. Act up? WHACK! Automated justice is swift.

Forget detention—this is instant robotic recalibration! The future was supposed to be bright, but for these kids, it’s looking painfully efficient.

Tri 5 2 Door

“A TITANIC QUEEN OF CINEMA—REMEMBERING ALLISON HAYES” 1930 – 1977

Reynold Brown’s iconic poster for Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1958) immortalized Allison Hayes in the annals of B-movie greatness. With a smoldering gaze and city-crushing stride, she became an undisputed queen of 1950s sci-fi and horror, embodying both glamour and menace in an era obsessed with atomic-age fears.

Allison Hayes’ towering presence cemented her in cult film legend, a tragic yet unforgettable force of sci-fi cinema. A glamorous, raging giantess, high heels and all, showing that hell hath no fury like a 50-foot woman scorned!

But Hayes was far more than a towering presence on screen—her career stretched across Westerns, thrillers, and television, where she brought a distinct blend of charm, strength, and intrigue to every role. Behind the scenes, however, she faced a tragic battle with a debilitating illness, later attributed to lead poisoning from calcium supplements, which ultimately cut her life short at just 46 years old.

Though gone too soon, her legacy looms larger than life—a towering icon of vintage Hollywood and a reminder that some stars, no matter the odds, refuse to be forgotten.

The Great Ape Knows: Allison Hayes wasn’t just larger than life in Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman—she had grit, charisma, and a stare that could cut through steel! Hollywood gave her B-movies, but she gave them undeniable presence. A true queen of cult cinema! Approved & applauded.

“Well, that escalated quickly!”

Nothing like a good old-fashioned game of musical laps to break the ice. One moment, you’re enjoying a quiet evening—next thing you know, the shadow realm is throwing a party without you. The moral? Always leave room for one more… because they’re coming whether you like it or not.

That is why it is called an F Hole – You stick your Fumb in it!

Suzi Quatro hit rock ‘n’ roll like a freight train, bass guitar slung low, boots planted wide, and an attitude that shook the industry to its core. Before Joan Jett, before the Runaways, before anyone figured out how to handle a woman in leather playing loud, dirty rock ‘n’ roll, Suzi was already out there showing them how it’s done.

Born Susan Kay Quatrocchio in Detroit, she grew up surrounded by Motown, rock, and raw energy. She cut her teeth in a family band before heading to the UK, where she rewrote the rulebook for women in rock. Her 1973 hit “Can the Can” smashed the UK charts, proving that rock wasn’t a boys’ club—it was whoever played the hardest.

Bass in hand, leather jumpsuit zipped, Suzi took no prisoners. The industry tried to package her, but she kicked down the door, paving the way for generations of rockers. She also made waves on TV as Leather Tuscadero on Happy Days, proving that a real rocker can own any stage, any scene, any moment.

Suzi Quatro stands as a four-stringed wrecking ball, a snarling, trailblazing force that never took her foot off the gas.

And the Great Ape reckons if Suzi wants to stick her Fumb in the F Hole, you stand back and let her!

Suzi Quatro – Daytona Demon (1973)

Leather, attitude, and raw rock ‘n’ roll. By ‘73, Suzi Quatro was already a force, but “Daytona Demon”? That was a full-throttle blast built for speed and rebellion. If “Can the Can” put her on the map, this one left skid marks all over it.

Hit play. Feel the bite.

It started with a banana heist.

One monkey snuck in, swiped a ripe bunch, and made a daring escape. But the others saw. They learned.

By noon, the store was under full primate occupation. The honey jars? Pillaged. The fruit baskets? Raided. The tea selection? Desecrated.

The owner, desperate, slapped up the sign. “DOOR CLOSED ON ACCOUNT OF MONKEYS.” Meanwhile, the monkeys, now organized, demanded biscuits.

The only hope? The corner shop resistance. Would they outsmart the simian syndicate? Or had the town fallen to a new hairy overlord?

Only time will tell…

FLAMINGO FANTASIA – DESERT GLAMOUR EDITION

Some dream of white picket fences, others dream in technicolor.

Here, in the sweltering glow of mid-century magnificence, one woman reigns supreme—a bouffant beacon of big hair, big dreams, and even bigger plastic birds.

Is it art? Is it rebellion? Or is it just a supreme dedication to the aesthetic of fabulous?

One thing’s for sure—suburbia has never looked this divine.

Vic Prezio’s Aquatic Mayhem – Lost Treasure, June 1961

Sunken gold, red bikinis, and underwater brawls—just another day in pulp paradise. When a dive for treasure turns into a deep-sea wrestling match, you know you’re in a Vic Prezio classic.

Flippers, fistfights, and fatal fashion choices—because nothing says adventure like being kidnapped in Atlantis while wearing swimwear.

THE GREAT DENSITY SHOWDOWN

Welcome to the ultimate Liquid Layer League, where every fluid finds its place and every object must pick a side.

At the top, the lightweights—floating in smug superiority, defying gravity with the ease of a ping pong ball on lamp oil.

In the middle, the mid-tier misfits—a cherry tomato, beads, and a dice, suspended in a watery no-man’s-land, unsure of their destiny.

At the bottom, the heavyweights—where maple syrup clutches a popcorn kernel, corn syrup grips its victims, and honey holds down the final boss, a bolt doomed to the depths.

Science, order, and a reminder that density decides fate.

How to Talk to Your Kid, the Hippie – A Survival Guide for Square Parents

McCall’s Magazine: Helping confused parents decode the psychedelic mumbo-jumbo of their flower-powered offspring since…whenever they got worried about all that “grass.”

Need to bridge the generation gap? Forget discipline—just learn the lingo.
Your kid says, “Out of sight!”? That’s good.
They say, “Bringing me down…”? Trouble’s brewing.
They mention Acapulco Gold? Well, that’s definitely not a rare coin collection.

No need to freak out, folks—just get in gear with this handy list. If nothing else, it’ll give you one trip of a conversation.

The Great Ape Approves—but only if you can dig it, man.

“VINTAGE ELEGANCE—WITH JUST A HINT OF UNHINGED”

A timeless look, perfect for formal events, family portraits, and terrifying your enemies.

Poise? Grace? Restraint? Never heard of them.

This is the face of someone who knows too much and cares too little.

“COOLHEADLUKE—FOR WHEN NOTHING ELSE WORKS”

Before: Invisible. Unremarkable. Just another walking meatbag.
After: Instant 70s sex appeal. Dangerous levels of smolder. Possibly illegal in 12 states.

Slick it. Fluff it. Own it. No one’s looking at your questionable life choices when you’ve got a CoolHeadLuke™.

Cooler than ice, hotter than hotcakes, and just the right amount of unsettling.

AWKWARDNESS LEVEL: MAXIMUM

Somewhere, somehow, this poor sap took a very, very wrong turn. Was it a simple navigational error or a consequence of bad life choices finally catching up? Hard to say, but one thing’s for sure—he’s wildly underdressed for whatever establishment this is.

The knee-high socks? The unfortunate leg situation? The “deer in headlights” expression? This is a man who expected a casual Tuesday and got thrown into a fever dream. And let’s not overlook the magazine tucked into the garter belt—“Gabbie’s Girlies”—which suggests that this scenario was completely avoidable.

Lesson learned? Always double-check the address before walking through a mysterious door, and never trust a coat that only covers half the problem.

Tri 5 Gasser Wagon

“BACK TO BASICS: TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE”

Before TikTok, emojis, and voice-to-text errors, there was a simpler struggle—figuring out how to use a telephone.

Hold it to your ear. Speak into the mouthpiece. Do not, under any circumstances, cradle it like a confused baby or yell into the receiver like a lunatic.

Follow these easy steps, and you, too, can master the ancient art of vocal communication!

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The Air is Toxic. The Water’s Worse. But the Worst Thing? The Silence.

Something’s Still Out Here. It Just Ain’t Talking.

The world ended without a bang—just a long, slow breath before the next nightmare began.

Jurassic Playdate

Back when pets were more interesting, little Susie didn’t want a dog, a cat, or even a hamster. No, she wanted a Baby T Rex—because nothing says childhood whimsy like a prehistoric apex predator on a leash.

She even brought a tiny bag for cleanup, because good pet ownership never goes extinct.

The Great Ape Approves.

WHEN CIGARETTES CAME WITH A SIDE OF ASBESTOS

In 1952, at the dawn of lung cancer concerns, Kent Cigarettes proudly rolled out the Micronite Filter—a “revolutionary” technology promising a safer smoke.

The secret ingredient? Crocidolite asbestos. Yep, one of the deadliest forms of asbestos was packed right into the filter, where smokers inhaled it with every puff. Marketed as “kind on the lungs” and a “taste improvement,” it turns out the real innovation was finding a way to make cigarettes even worse for you.

Between 1952 and 1956, millions of smokers unwittingly pulled asbestos fibers deep into their lungs, all thanks to a corporate death wish in a filter. The Micronite filter was quietly phased out, but the damage was already done.

Turns out, the smooth taste of Kent came with a bonus round of mesothelioma.

“A COWBOY, A GORILLA, AND A LADY WALK INTO A POST-APOCALYPTIC DYSTOPIA…”

The cowboy looks uneasy. The gorilla looks battle-worn. The lady? She’s just trying to finish her book.

Maybe she’s reading How to Survive the Ape Uprising. Maybe she’s ignoring it all. Either way, she’s handling this better than the cowboy.

Meanwhile, the gorilla sits in stoic silence, probably contemplating the fall of mankind…

Somewhere in the distance, Charlton Heston is still screaming.

Blowin’ Smoke with Tricky Dick!

Nothing screams presidential class like chomping down on a bubble gum cigar endorsed by the man himself—Richard Nixon. A fine selection of artificially flavored leadership, wrapped in nostalgia and a faint whiff of scandal.

Just like his promises, they start off sweet, get a little rubbery, and eventually leave a bad taste. The only thing missing? A secret recording device inside the box.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Ultracrepidarian – When Someone Talks Like They Know Everything… But Don’t!

You’ve met them. The loudmouth at the bar explaining quantum physics after watching half a YouTube video. The self-proclaimed expert who suddenly knows everything about carburetors, ancient history, and cryptocurrency—all at once.

That’s an ultracrepidarian—a person who confidently speaks about things they know absolutely nothing about. It comes from an old Latin phrase meaning “beyond the shoe,” because some overconfident cobbler once thought he could critique an entire painting just because he knew how to fix sandals.

So next time some know-it-all starts ranting about things they clearly don’t understand, just nod and say, “Ah, a true ultracrepidarian at work.” Then enjoy the blank stare of confusion.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

Premature Fuel Injection—A Classic Case of Jumping the Pump!

She’s serving high fashion, he’s serving high-octane regret. Nothing says “confidence” like posing for a photo while your date turns a premium fill-up into a premium disaster.

A lesson for the ages: Always make sure the nozzle is in before you let it flow.

The Great Ape is extremely proud of how clean he kept this other than he now has to find a spill kit.

Give Me the Willies

The Boogie Men Have Arrived!

Lock your doors, hide your AM radios—The Roller Disco Devils are here, and they fear nothing but silence!

Armed with boomboxes blasting pure funk, moves so deadly smooth they defy physics, and collars popped higher than crime rates, these soul-skating specters of the night are grooving through town like a neon-glitter hurricane.

Rhythm, attitude, and the unstoppable power of disco vengeance!

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Last Call at the End of the Universe

No Drinks, No Escape, No Future

The bar’s been floating in deep space for a hundred years. The last guy to ask how never finished his drink.

“Nighthawks… in Space!”

Edward Hopper meets Robby the Robot in this reimagining of the classic diner scene, where late-night coffee and cosmic conversations are on the menu. A place where spacemen, intergalactic dames, and chrome-plated butlers gather beneath the neon glow of a universe that never sleeps.

“The Scream… of Dr. Smith”

“Oh, the pain! The pain!” Lost in Space? More like Lost in Sheer Terror—whether it’s an alien menace, a malfunctioning Robot, or simply realizing he left his afternoon sherry behind on a doomed planet.

The cosmos is vast, but nowhere is safe from Dr. Smith’s melodramatic despair.

Short Snort – The Classiest Lush in the Toy Aisle

Dressed to the nines, top hat tilted, monocle gleaming, and ready to drink you under the table—again.

“Short Snort” is a mechanical marvel, a boozy automaton with a thirst that never quits. Wind him up, tip his bottle, and watch him guzzle like he’s trying to forget a stock market crash.

The Great Ape Approves. But only if you can hold your liquor half as well as this dapper simian.

“WHERE WILL YOUR CHILDREN LIVE IN 1973?”

Apparently, in a sleek, mid-century dream home powered by unlimited electricity and Cold War optimism.

The future promised color TV in every room, “electric equipment to kill germs in the air,” and automated window shades that closed at dusk like obedient little soldiers.

By 1960, power companies expected electricity use to triple, because clearly, the future was going to be wall-to-wall electric kitchens, climate-controlled utopias, and a TV set watching you back.

The Great Ape sees progress, promise, and an uncomfortable lack of seatbelts for what’s coming next.

THE BACK ALLEY CHIPMUNK CONSPIRACY

There are some places you just don’t walk alone. Dimly lit alleys, abandoned train yards, anywhere a dude with a trench coat says, “Hey, come here for a second…”

And now? Add costumed chipmunks lurking in back alleys to the list.

What’s the deal here? A secret meeting? A shady deal going down? Maybe they’re just waiting for Alvin, who’s running late with the loot.

Either way, if you see a group of rodents in human-sized suits staring at you in a dark alley, turn around. Quickly.

“Just Around the Corner… and Down the Uncanny Valley.”

When your morning board meeting turns into a hard reboot. The corporate future is here—sweating through its white-collar circuits, wondering if its warranty expired.

Man? Machine? Or just another cog in the system?

Vitamin C Coupe

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Quomodocunquizing – The Fine Art of Making Money However You Can!

Ever met someone who could sell water to a drowning man? Or that one guy who always has a “great business opportunity” that somehow only benefits him? Congratulations, you’ve witnessed quomodocunquizing—the act of making money by any means necessary.

This word dates back to the 1600s, when people realized there were two kinds of folks in the world: those who worked hard, and those who could turn a handful of rocks into a “limited-time investment opportunity.”

So next time you see someone hustling, grifting, or spinning pure nonsense into gold, just nod and say, “A true quomodocunquizing mastermind at work.” Then check your wallet.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

Love is a Swinging Door… and Apparently, So is She

Our scarf-clad troubadour is learning the hard truth about folk songs and romantic metaphors. While he’s busy strumming away about open doors, someone else is already walking through.

A terrible feeling? Yeah, pal, that’s the sound of heartbreak—and possibly the chorus of Dick’s victory song.

BATGIRL IN PERIL!

Holy psychedelic shenanigans, Bat-fans! It looks like Batgirl has found herself in yet another precarious predicament—strapped to a table, surrounded by leopard print, golden cat statues, and a villain dressed like he raided a mystic gift shop in 1968.

Is this the work of a mind-bending mesmerist? A groovy guru of Gotham gone rogue? Or just another Tuesday in the wonderfully weird world of Adam West-era Batman? And what is he touching?

One thing’s for sure—the Caped Crusader better hurry up before Batgirl becomes the main course in some kind of ancient ritual, technicolor voodoo scheme, or a very misguided fashion experiment!

Will she escape? Will the Dynamic Duo arrive in time? Or will Batgirl be forced to endure more monologues about ‘mystic energies’ and ‘cosmic vibrations’ before making her daring break?

Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel—because the Great Ape is watching and wondering what the hell he is touching…

One of These Things is Not Like the Other…

When you spend your life smashing cymbals, but deep down, you’re an accordion guy.

The Great Ape sees individuality, artistic rebellion, and a potential polka uprising. He approves.

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The Great Blackout Didn’t Kill the City—But What Came After Did.

No Power, No Rules, No One Left to Call for Help.

The lights flickered. Then they died. Then the knocking on the doors started.

The Ultimate Battle Gear

When you charge into the fray, you need protection where it matters most. Forget helmets, shields, and armor—true warriors know only one defense stands the test of time!

Dr. Wansbrough’s Celebrated Nipple Shields. Forged from the finest Victorian-grade pewter, these historically questionable artifacts promise comfort, durability, and a conversation you never wanted to have.

Modern warfare? Primitive.
Medieval armor? Obsolete.
Bulletproof vests? Child’s play.

Real champions armor up the old-fashioned way. Will they stop a musket ball? No. Will they make you invincible in spirit? Absolutely.

Shirley Muldowney—Eyes on the Prize

Before the lights drop and the throttle hits the floor, there’s a moment of silence—a deep breath, a calculation, a focus only the fastest women on earth understand.

Shirley Muldowney shattered records and tore down barriers, carving a path for every woman who dared to sit behind the wheel of a Top Fuel dragster.

A quiet moment in the cockpit? That’s the calm before the storm.

Princess Diana Look-Alike Contest – Washington, D.C. (1985)

The stakes were high, the hair was feathered, and the royal aura was undeniable. A room full of near-identical Dianas, all vying for the crown in the ultimate look-alike showdown. Congratulations to Ms. Marilyn Murray—Number 18—the official winner. But let’s be real, with this many Dianas in one place, everyone walked away feeling a little royal that night.

“Come to the Dark Side… We Have Rollbacks!”

Nothing says intergalactic terror quite like Darth Vader… signing autographs next to the clearance aisle.

For one weekend only in 1978, the Dark Lord of the Sith traded conquering the galaxy for posing with confused Walmart shoppers and maybe checking out a deal on tube socks.

The Force is strong, but not as strong as everyday low prices.

“Miss Sewer Cleaner 1952 – Because Nothing Says Glamour Like Root-Blocked Pipes!”

Forget beauty pageants, Gayle Davis of Detroit took home the crown for “Miss Sewer Cleaner of 1952”—a title that truly flushes away the competition.

With Rooto, she didn’t need fancy tools or elbow grease. Just a 25-pound drum of patented pipe-melting magic and a winning smile. No digging, no fuss, no dignity left.

Move over Miss America, because the real queen is here to unclog your dreams!

“THE TEQUILA MECHANICS OF PEE-WEE HERMAN”

A highly scientific analysis of the legendary bar dance sequence from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.

Fig. 1: The approach—confidence at maximum levels. A man in platform shoes never hesitates.
Fig. 2: The groove—body loosened by pure rhythm and reckless abandon. Arm arcs calculated for peak hip thrust efficiency.
Fig. 3: The dismount—trajectory compromised by one too many bottles of liquid courage. Platform integrity? Questionable.

The tequila-fueled Newtonian inevitability of what goes up… must come down.

A Lesson in Barroom Dominance

Some men throw punches to prove themselves in a dive bar. Pee-wee Herman? He dances.

With a pair of white loafers, a questionable sense of rhythm, and a death-defying tabletop routine, Pee-wee survives a biker bar and owns it. The jukebox drops, The Champs’ “Tequila” kicks in, and what follows is pure cinema magic: a high-stakes, hip-swiveling, bar-top showdown where sheer absurdity triumphs over brute force.

Hit play, watch and learn. The Great Ape approves this technique for all high-risk social situations.

More Life, More Fiber!

Start your morning the Replicant way—with a hearty bowl of iife cereal! Packed with 100% Ethyl Methane Sulfonate, it’s the breakfast of artificial champions.

Bonus Feature: Each box comes with a free origami kit, so you can ponder the nature of existence while folding a tiny unicorn.

The Great Ape Approves… but only for four years.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Ulotrichous – When Your Hair Has a Mind of Its Own!

Got hair that refuses to be tamed? Curls that defy gravity? A mane that laughs in the face of combs and styling products? Then congratulations—you, my friend, are ulotrichous!

This fancy word means having woolly or tightly curled hair, and it’s been around since the 19th century, probably coined by someone who lost a fistfight with a hairbrush.

So the next time someone compliments (or questions) your wild locks, just toss your head and say, “It’s not messy—it’s ulotrichous.” Then walk away like the glorious, frizz-powered legend you are.

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

The Lost Art of Telling Someone Off—Scientifically Documented

From the Department of Advanced Gestural Communication, we present Figure 1: The Wind-Up and Figure 2: The Delivery.

For centuries, scholars have debated the exact velocity of the vigorous thrust forward, but one thing remains certain: message received.

Ain’t no Lemon

Rebel Without a Cause… or a Clue

You can almost hear the snapping fingers and jazz bassline in the background. But is he a beatnik, a greaser, or just a guy who really hates unsolicited advice?

One thing’s for sure—he’s not taking life lessons from a dude in a mustard blazer.

The Great Ape Sees All. And he knows a comeback this weak won’t keep the squares off your back for long.

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They Dug Too Deep, and Now the Earth Wants Revenge

Some Things Are Meant to Stay Buried

The drilling stopped, the screams started, and the ground won’t stop shaking.

TREPANNING: THE ORIGINAL BRAIN BOOSTER!

Why bother with self-discipline when you can crank open your skull and let the bad thoughts just air out?

– PAINFUL BUT EFFECTIVE! (Your mileage may vary.)
– MINIMAL BLOOD LOSS! (If performed by a professional—or a blacksmith.)
– BANISH LEWD THOUGHTS! (And probably most other thoughts, too.)
– COMES WITH A COMPLIMENTARY HAIRCUT! (That’s one way to get a part down the middle…)

Step right up, freshen your mind while you wait, and let ether do the thinking for you! Nothing screams “modern medicine” quite like a hole in your head.

“The Future They Promised Us – Turbo Trains, Hover Highways, and Jet-Set Skylines!”

The Horizoncar—part train, part jet, part fever dream of 1970s futurism. You could be sipping martinis in the sky lounge, zipping across a hydroelectric causeway, while your commute laughs in the face of gravity.

Where did we go wrong?

Instead of sci-fi super rails, we got gridlocked highways and ‘smart’ fridges that lock you out. The Golden Age of Tomorrow still looks better than the Monday Morning of Today.

The Great Ape Approves this wonderful art by Art by Shigeru Komatsuzaki… but he’s still waiting for his jetpack!

“The Elegant Art of the Chainsaw Waltz”

Step aside, ballroom dancers—this six-step Texas classic is all the rage. With precision, passion, and just the right amount of unhinged fury, the Whirling Texan Massacre delivers style, chaos, and upper body endurance like no other.

For best results! Maintain eye contact with your audience. Let the chainsaw guide your spirit. Accept that elegance and terror are two sides of the same blade.

The Great Ape Tips His Hat—to a performance both horrifying and oddly graceful.

GEIGER COUNTERS – NOW AVAILABLE FOR THE EVERYDAY APOCALYPSE!

Why wait for the government to tell you your backyard’s glowing? Take radiation detection into your own hands with a rugged, high-impact polystyrene case, three months of battery life, and absolutely NO training necessary!

From the “Deluxe Prober” model for the discerning doomsday prepper to the Do-It-Yourself Kit for the budget-conscious fallout survivor, there’s a Geiger counter for every Cold War enthusiast!

The Great Ape approves – because if you’re carrying one of these, the real question is… what exactly are you planning?

Attention shoppers!

No Blue Light Specials today, but there’s a seriously wicked ‘Cuda lurking in the parking lot.
Oh, and clean-up on aisle 3… clean-up on aisle 3!

“Kong Checked as Oversized Luggage—Legendary Ape Furious About Baggage Fees”

Even the King of the Apes isn’t immune to the horrors of commercial air travel. Delays, lost baggage, and now this? The mighty beast’s dismembered head—shipped like a crate of bananas—rests indignantly on a luggage cart, proof that not even titans are spared the indignity of economy class.

The Great Ape demands an upgrade to first class—or at least a bigger seat.

Off Road Vette

Oh, the Pain! The Absolute Pain!”

Dr. Smith clutched his chest dramatically, staring in horror at the ruins on the shore.

“Major West, you blundering oaf! You’ve piloted us right into a nightmarish dystopia! The Earth is gone! Civilization is in ruins! And worst of all… there’s nowhere to get a proper cup of tea!”

Will Robinson squinted at the wreckage. “Dr. Smith… I think that’s just New Jersey.”

“Silence, you ninny! We are doomed! Doomed, I say!”

Meanwhile, the Robot beeped and whirred: “WARNING: DRAMA LEVELS CRITICAL.” and Charlton Heston screams in the distance.

Double Vision or Double Trouble?

He’s got that look—somewhere between smug satisfaction and sheer disbelief. Two nearly identical dames, two cocktails, and one man sitting at the crossroads of destiny.

Is he living the dream, or is there something we’re not supposed to know? A long-lost twin? A glitch in the matrix? A deal with forces unknown?

Whatever the case, he’s holding onto that drink like it’s the only things keeping him from asking too many questions.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Snollygoster – The Shadiest of the Shady!

Ever met someone who’s all charm, zero morals, and somehow always getting ahead? That’s a snollygoster—a slick, scheming operator who plays the game with zero shame and maximum cunning.

The word goes back to the 19th century, mostly used to describe politicians, because—well, you get the idea. It originally meant a mythical beast that preys on the unsuspecting, which is about right.

So next time you spot someone smooth-talking their way out of trouble, just shake your head and mutter, “Classic snollygoster move.”

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

He Came in Peace.

Unfortunately, the guy sneaking up behind him did not.

Maybe it’s an evil clone. Maybe it’s a time paradox. Or maybe it’s just another Tuesday in the cold, indifferent void of space.

The Great Ape Approves— but only because this is exactly why you should never trust a man with a jetpack and a ray gun.

BREAKING NEWS: JURASSIC AIRLINES NOW BOARDING!

“We regret to inform you that your T-Rex has been incorrectly routed. Please remain calm while we attempt a mid-air course correction.”

Nothing to see here, just the military relocating an apex predator like it’s a badly placed garden gnome.
Why? Classified.
Where to? Probably somewhere that didn’t learn from ‘Jurassic Park.’
How mad is Jeff Goldblum? VERY.

One thing’s for sure—life finds a way… but with a Chinook escort.

“BIPEDAL MEATBAG: A DE-EVOLVED DELIGHT”

100% Organic. 99% Problematic.

• Flammable – Yet still plays with fire.
• Requires Entertainment – Will self-destruct if bored.
• Contains Poop – And yet thinks highly of itself.
• Sarcasm & Disappointment Preloaded – No refunds, no updates.

A marvel of de-evolution in a fragile, gas-powered sack. Please Recycle – before you fully regress.

THE FUTURE IS NOW!

Why worry about rising electricity bills when Junior can casually toss an atomic wafer into the home power box like he’s feeding the family dog?

One glowing handshake away from energy independence—or spontaneous combustion. Either way, Mom approves!

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This Ain’t a Funeral. It’s a Waiting Room.

The Coffins Are Full, but the Bodies Won’t Stay Down

The priest stopped showing up. The gravediggers stopped digging. No one’s asking why.

MOON LANDING: RETROFUTURE STYLE!

Before sleek space shuttles and multi-stage rockets, this was how we imagined stepping onto alien landscapes—a giant metal aspirin with legs.

– Is it a spaceship or a giant thermos? (Depends on how long the trip was.)
– No frills, no windows, just a whole lot of rivets. (NASA, take notes.)
– If it topples over, congratulations—you’re building a moon colony now!

David A. Hardy’s vision of the final frontier is all sharp mountains, vast emptiness, and a ship that looks like it might just bounce on landing. Obviously powered by pure atomic optimism.

Struttin’ Down Funky Town, Cool Cats & Foxy Mamas (1972)

Dig it, baby! These righteous cats got the threads, the moves, and the game to make the whole boulevard stop and stare. Hats tipped, collars wide, boots high, and afros sky-bound—ain’t nobody steppin’ smoother. They ain’t walkin’, they glidin’—like butter on a hot skillet. Stay cool, jive tight, and keep it right. Can you dig it?

Every Boy Wanted One—But She Rides It Better!

The Raleigh Chopper: the ultimate cool-kid cruiser, a ticket to freedom, and the ride of a lifetime.
But let’s be honest—no one ever looked this good pedaling down the street!

Not Junk Tri 5

“March of the Machines – The Future Looked Better in ’69!”

Behold, the grand robotic workforce—marching forward into a brighter, shinier tomorrow. No coffee breaks, no unions, no existential dread… just cold, efficient productivity.

But let’s be real—where are these guys now? Instead of towering steel titans, we got Roombas that give up at rugs and AI assistants that confuse “play jazz” with ordering 50 kilos of cat food.

The dream was big. The execution? Not so much.

The Great Ape Approves… but he’s still waiting for his personal robot butler to mix a decent cocktail.

CAPTAIN TRIUMPH vs. MR. POINTER – THE FINGER OF FEAR!

Some villains wield swords, some fire energy blasts—but Mr. Pointer? He points. And, brother, he points HARD.

One jab of that menacing, accusatory digit and even the bravest hero quivers in existential dread. Can Captain Triumph withstand the shame, the guilt, the all-knowing scorn of a truly judgmental index finger?

Find out in this pulse-pounding, digit-wagging showdown!

“THE PARTY YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED!”

You want entertainment? You want class? You want a GORILLA PLAYING SAXOPHONE WITH BALLOONS? Well, buddy, you’ve come to the right place.

Whether it’s a wedding, corporate event, or a funeral that needs a little pep, nothing says “unforgettable” like a jazz-loving primate honking out smooth sax solos while surrounded by helium-filled chaos.

Call now. Operators are standing by.

Booby’s – A Restaurant Name You Won’t Forget

Nothing says fine dining like a sign that makes you do a double-take. Steak, BBQ ribs, and a side of unintentional marketing genius.

One thing’s for sure—this place is bringing in customers for at least two reasons.

The Great Ape Approves. But only if the portions are as generous as the name suggests.

“Mummy, what happens to us if the bomb drops?”

Ah, the golden age of childhood anxiety—when bedtime stories were swapped for fallout drills and teddy bears sat next to Geiger counters.

The pamphlet says be prepared, stay calm, and stock up on bandages and aromatic spirits of ammonia. Because if the sirens wail, you’ll want to be sure you’ve got enough gauze to fix absolutely nothing.

The Great Ape sees the Cold War fear machine in full swing—and doesn’t approve. War is a racket, and panic is just good business.

The Munsters Ride Again!

When Herman, Lily, and Grandpa roll up on two wheels, you know the road’s about to get spooky.
No broomsticks, no hearses—just a Harley, a cackle, and pure Munster mayhem!

Life Without Annihilating War Depended Upon Finding Another Earth-Like Planet In The Galaxy

Nothing says “progressive futurism” quite like a murdered scientist, a kidnapped damsel, and a coldly efficient robot overlord running the lab.

Ah, the golden age of sci-fi pulp—where ethics took a backseat to mad science and heavy metal hands.

Life without war? Sure. But apparently, life without a good ol’ fashioned robot abduction was a step too far.

The Great Ape Approves—but only because he knows this ends with the robot realizing he, too, can love… or at least commit some serious 1950s-style melodrama.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Absquatulate – The Classiest Way to Flee!

Ever seen someone vanish faster than a bad gambler on payday? That’s absquatulating—the fine art of leaving in a hurry, usually to avoid trouble, responsibility, or an angry mob.

This word popped up in 19th-century America, back when people really knew how to make English ridiculous. It sounds fancy, but it basically means “to skedaddle with style.”

So next time you see someone duck out of a bar tab, bail on a meeting, or disappear the moment work needs doing, just nod and say, “Ah yes, another fine case of absquatulation.”

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

“Baby, You Must Be Made of Copper and Tellurium…”

Nothing woos like romantic chemistry—literally. When smooth-talking meets the periodic table, you get sweet nothings in the form of chemical compounds.

Brenda’s eyes? A dreamy shade of copper sulfate blue.
Her hair? Spun from Prussian gold.
Her patience? Running thin.

The Great Ape Approves… but suggests sticking to poetry next time.

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They Buried the Old Church Under Concrete—But the Bells Keep Ringing.

Something Below is Still Preaching, and It Wants a Congregation.

The ground trembles. The air gets thick. Midnight mass is about to begin.

Henry’s Having a Rough Day

Most folks dread awkward handshakes—Henry just got mobbed by the undead fan club.

Someone’s a little too enthusiastic about their “Feel Henry” campaign, and his lady in red isn’t having it. Zombies, personal space, and the worst case of the Mondays ever.

“The Intergalactic Bureau of Human Collection – Another Day at the Office”

“Alright, Glorp, let’s review today’s acquisitions: One square-jawed hero, one space dame, and a couple of extras for background ambiance. Standard Earth specimen retrieval procedure.”

“Great, Blib! Just tag ’em, freeze ’em, and ship ’em to the Emperor’s zoo. But for the love of Tentaclus, make sure this one isn’t another guy who somehow escapes, defeats us all, and blows up the ship.”

The Great Ape Knows – This ain’t their first abduction… but who knows! It might be their last.

For the Distinguished Gentleman Who Rides Hard—Cycle Jockeys!”

Nothing says class, sophistication, and raw masculinity quite like a pair of branded tighty-whities plastered with your favorite motorcycle logo. Whether you’re tearing up the highway or just posing in your socks for an awkward catalog shoot, Cycle Jockeys ensure you exude power and elegance where it truly counts.

Warning: May cause involuntary admiration, unsolicited poses, and confused mail-order regrets.

Ford Goodness Sake

“A Touch of Class in the World’s Oldest Profession!”

Even in the neon-lit playground of Las Vegas, 1941, where fortunes were lost, whiskey flowed, and deals were sealed with a handshake (or a wink), a little discretion was still encouraged.

The Reno Hotel Association wasn’t saying “No.” They were simply saying, “Keep it classy, ladies.”

Right in the Snout!

One minute, you’re admiring a majestic creature of the land. The next, some pint-sized hooligan is digitally invading your nasal sanctum. This Elk, um Moose ah Horse, damn it whatever the hell it is, is questioning every life choice that led to this moment. A lesson in curiosity, trust, and knowing when to back up.

Did You Know? The Great Ape Knows!

Muntin – The Strips Holding Your Windows Together!

Ever stared at an old-school window with a bunch of little glass panes and wondered, “Why didn’t they just use one big piece of glass?” Blame the muntins—those thin wooden or metal strips that separate and hold multiple panes in place.

Before modern glass-making, big sheets of glass were expensive and hard to make, so windows were a Frankenstein’s monster of smaller pieces, stitched together by muntins. Nowadays, they’re mostly just decorative throwbacks, fooling people into thinking their brand-new house has “character.”

So next time someone compliments those “cute little window grids,” hit them with: “Ah yes, the muntins really bring it all together.”

Sounds smarter. Confuses people. The Great Ape Knows & Approves.

THE FUTURE IS… ON CLEARANCE.

Well, that’s not a great sign.

Turns out the grand destiny of mankind has been marked down to $2 and a quick sale. Guess the flying cars and robot butlers didn’t pan out, huh?

At least it’s still half full… or half price.

The Doctor Will See You Now… And Offer You a Light

Welcome to the Golden Age of Healthcare, where hospital visits came with bedside cigarette service and your lungs weren’t the only thing getting checked.

That’s not the Grim Reaper—it’s Dr. Nic O. Tine, here to make sure your stay is as smooth as a menthol.

The Great Ape Sees All. And even he’s coughing at this one.

Maximum Femininity Engaged!

Soap, bubbles, and an unapologetic commitment to becoming the most devastatingly feminine force the world has ever seen. Brace yourselves, society—she’s about to be absolutely SICKENING.

The Great Ape’s Last Laugh – One Step Closer to the Lobotomy Lounge!

Congratulations, you Tire-Smoking Troglodytes!

You’ve left skid marks on reason, done a burnout over common sense, and are now barreling headfirst into the abyss with nothing but a cracked windshield and a devil-may-care grin.

The Great Ape doesn’t believe in brakes. The Great Ape doesn’t believe in luck.

Superstition? That’s just fuel for the fire. The black cat got run over miles ago, the ladder’s already broken, and the mirror? That shattered the second we hit the gas.

So here we are—the last pit stop before chaos takes the wheel. No maps, no exit signs, and no turning back. This ride only ends when the tires explode, or the pavement runs out.

So grab your last rites and light ‘em up. The Great Ape watches, the Great Ape approves—and the Great Ape is laughing.

AND THAT’S JUST THE BEGINNING. THIS MANIFEST RUNS ON BAD OMENS AND BURNOUTS.

Luck? That’s for those waiting around to lose. History only remembers the ones who saw the black cat in the road and floored it. This Manifest doesn’t sidestep disaster—it drifts through it sideways, tires smoking, laughing the whole way.

Read on. Obey. Ascend. The Great Ape commands it.

Manifesto Maravillado doesn’t knock twice or wait for permission. It shatters mirrors, flips fate the bird, and jumps the curb straight into chaos. If you were looking for smooth pavement, take a hike. If you came for the roar, the wreckage, and the riot—stay strapped in.

The brakes burned out miles ago. The check engine light is just a dare. And somewhere, a black cat is hotwiring your getaway car.

July’s BigBoy Monthly Manifest is barreling in like a runaway locomotive—faster than fate, louder than doom, and ready to flatten anything dumb enough to stand in its way.

No time to hesitate. No time to look back.

The Great Ape has left the seance – I’ll haunt your dreams next month!

Oh yer and the Great Ape did the thump the tubs on this one “Speak Cyborg or Die!” Give it a play!